Starting -- Cycle II -- Days 12 & 13

Yesterday was day 12 and I went in for my regular ultrasound. I was very nervous going in since Metformin has never worked in the past for me so I was afraid that there wouldn't be any follicle growth. To my surprise there was an egg in each ovary! The one on the left was slightly bigger than the one on the right, but sure enough, two good ones. Dr. M. wanted me to go back in today for another ultrasound to see what the one on the right would do since this is my first ovulation cycle with her as my doctor. I went in this morning and the one on the right hadn't grown much but the one on the left was bugger and ready for the hCG shot to stimulate ovulation. So they administered the shot in the office. Tomorrow is Christmas so I won't go in for IUI, we'll be left to our own devices for the next few days. I'm going up to dad's on Sunday so I'll go back to the Dr. for a progesterone blood draw on Friday.

I have been contemplating the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego when they were thrown into the fiery furnace because they would not worship the king's idols. I love the verse in Daniel chapter 3:17&18 when they know that God can save them from the flames, but if he doesn't, their faith is still not shaken. They have been a huge example to me as I take on this endeavor.
I had a moment when I took a mental step back and looked at my family. I know that God can send our family another baby, but if He doesn't, my family is full the way it is. I love my boys, they are magnificent people and my life is very blessed.

Boys

Things they do when they are excited:

E hops up and down on his tippy toes, straight up into the air.

M claps his hands 3 times in quick succession.

I don't think that either one of them is aware that they are doing it when they do. It's pretty darn cute.

E earned an award for Academic Acheivement in his first trimester of school. That means he got top grades in his class --he's a smarty -- that one.

M figured out how to ride his tricycle. For some reason he had a really hard time for a long time doing the pedals. Now his ambition in life is to ride down to the lightpole and back. He wears his helmet and a pair of riding gloves.

E CAN NOT wait for Santa to come. He changes his mind weekly as to what he wants the big guy to bring. It's hard for Santa to keep up and he hopes that this good little boy will not be too disappointed when he gets the thing that he wanted so desperately 2 months ago, instead of what he wants this week.

M on the other hand does not want Santa to come at all. He finds the jolly-old-elf completely terrifying and would rather forego the presents if it means running the risk of the bearded red one actually getting into the house. He has always had a deep seeded mistrust of men with facial hair.

Starting -- Cycle II -- Days 1, 2 & 3

I started a new cycle on Sunday, which was totally unexpected since it would have only been day 16 of the first cycle. It was also the day that I finished my Femara pills. I wasn't sure if that was what was expected, so I called Dr. M. to ask. She called me back on Monday (one of my favorite things about this office is that the Dr. calls me directly, rather than through one of her nurses), she didn't have an answer why it would have happened, and had me go in for an ultrasound yesterday. She didn't see anything on the ultrasound that would explain why I'd started a new cycle, so she checked my estrogen and progesterone levels to see if I ovulated and we just missed it. She said that sometimes the Prevara can cause ovulation. She called me back in the afternoon to say that the blood works just looks like I started a new cycle. She was going to run a pregnancy test, she didn't think I was pregnant, but just to be sure...
She called me today to say that I for sure am not pregnant and to restart a Femara treatment cycle then to come see her on day 10 or 11. So I'll see her next Thursday or Friday.

I'm still feeling pretty unstressed on the whole. I was pretty concerned about starting a new cycle earlier than I anticipated, but not because I wasn't pregnant, only because it wasn't what I was expecting.

I appreciate every one's kind comments and your faith and prayers in behalf of my family.

The anger factor that I felt so prevalently in my previous fertility efforts is non existent. Before, I was so angry at people who seemed to have babies whenever they felt like and was certain that any ones concerns for me were not genuine. That because others couldn't understand my trials that their sympathy was pity. And I did not want anyone else's pity. While it's still true that others don't fully understand my personal trials, it's the same for me that I don't fully feel other's trials. Their love and concern for me are real and they really do hope and pray that my family will be blessed with more children. That just because it doesn't consume their thoughts and anxieties the way it does mine that overall, love is what they feel for me and the only service they can give on my behalf is to mourn, in their own way, my trials and exert their faith in sacrifice for my family.

Starting -- Cycle 1 -- Days 11 & 12

Yesterday I had my Hystersalpingogram. I started taking antibiotics the day before the exam and are continuing them today. I'm not able to take the Metformin while taking the antibiotics, which has been a relief to my stomach. I went to the health center and had an x-ray done of my reproductive organs to see if there were any blockages or any other issues that would need to be addressed (other than the PCOS). They use a contrasting iodine based solution to make sure the organs show up on the x-ray. It was very interesting to see a real time shot of my uterus and fallopian tubes (I almost posted one of the pictures, but decided to spare the exceptionally personal stuff). It was also interesting to see the solutions spilling out of my tubes at the ovary end, into the abyss that is the cavity of my body surrounding them. Overall the experience wasn't terrible. It was about as uncomfortable as having a pelvic exam, not how I would choose to spend any free time I might have in the near future but not a dreaded ordeal either.
Today I had my 12 day appointment with Dr. Moayeri. She looked at the pictures of the x-rays, but didn't have the report from the health center yet, but she said that the pictures looked good, that my tubes look clear since you can see the solution exiting the opposite end of them, and the uterus looks like it filled up just the way it was supposed to. She also did an ultrasound of my ovaries to see if there are any eggs developing or that I ovulated since I've been on the Metformin, both answers were, 'No'. I wasn't expecting to have either of those happened based on my previous experiences with Metformin. I started taking the Femara today: two 2.5 mg tablets daily for 5 days. I'll have another doctor appointment in 10 days to see what effect that dosage may have. I told Dr. Moayeri about the Metformin giving me stomach problems and she suggested to take both tablets at dinnertime to see if that alleviates some of my discomforts.

It feels weird to not be stressing about this. While trying to get pregnant with my boys I had such a high level of anxiety that this not weirding-out feeling is kind of making me concerned. I feel I'm walking a fine line between trusting in Heavenly Father and relying too heavily on the arm of man. I am aware that I can't do this without His help, but maybe it's inappropriate for me to assume that He'll send me a baby just because I start seeing a doctor. I hope I'm not missing something here?

Starting -- Cycle 1

Saturday was day 1 of my cycle (the mother of all cycles, believe me, was sure glad I wore black pants to a wedding over the weekend). I was surprised that it happened so fast since my last dose of Prevara was on Thursday, but glad that it's going.
I'm scheduled for my Hysterosalpingogram on day 11 with a Dr. appointment on day 12, so we'll see what happens there.
I'm thinking that the Metformin gives me problems when I don't take it on a full stomach (I guess toast and yogurt won't cut it for breakfast any more).

Overall my stress level (in this department that is, trust me, there are several stress departments in my brain), has been very low. I'm not sure if this is how people who don't struggle with infertility approach getting pregnant, as a matter-of-fact thing that will eventually happen. The feelings that I had before my last pregnancies of uncertainty are nonexistent. Maybe it's because I'm at the beginning stages, so many unknowns at this point: if the Metformin will work this time around or if I need to take the Avandia again (even with the risk of liver toxicity). How many cycles will it take to get pregnant, E was 1 cycle (but he was an anomaly, he needed to be here before mom died) and M was 4 cycles (more of an average). Maybe I'm still in preparatory stage where I haven't really grasped that pregnancy is just around the corner, it still seems a far off idea rather than a tangible change to our family.
I feel level, I feel calm, I feel good excitement.

Starting -- Part II

My test results for my Infectious Diseases, Prenatal panel, Prolactin, TSH, Glucose and Insulin, Thyroid, and Kidney Function all came in on Wednesday, so I was given the clear to start taking the Metformin. I am taking two 750mg of extended release per day. I also am taking Prevara for 10 days to jump start my cycle. We could have waited until it happened on it's own, but not knowing when that might happen would only delay all of the rest of the procedures. The Metformin was rough on my stomach for the first 2 days but seems to be a little better today.
The next step is to wait for my cycle to start, call Dr. Moayeri, and make my appointment for the hysterosalpingogram for between days 9 and 12.
A still has to do his infectious disease screening, I'll try to have him do it next week. In the state of California, if there is going to be any IUI done, then the infectious disease screening is required by law.

It was pointed out to me that I should feel lucky for having a husband and child, other people don't have the opportunity to have what I have. Luck has nothing to do with this, I am blessed. I made the choice to date and fall in love with an honorable preisthood holder, and I am making the choice to ask Heavenly Father to expand my family. I didn't choose PCOS, but I am choosing to do everything I can to make my physical body prepared to receive yet another blessing. I'm doing my part and trusting in the Lord to do his part.

I am truly blessed.

Starting

In the past I've been very private about our fertility efforts and this time I'm putting myself out there with this experience. I believe we are given trials for not only our benefit but also to bless the lives of others. Maybe someone out in the blog-o-sphere might take comfort in or learn something from my experiences, maybe the someone will be me.

On Wednesday, we had our first fertility appointment with Dr. Moayeri here in Orange County. She comes with glowing recommendations by two of my friends. She was very friendly and knowledgeable about PCOS. I already know the medications that work for me in my efforts of getting pregnant and she is open to picking up that treatment again instead of trying to put me back on the medications that I know do not help me at all. (Unless you count getting fat and crazy as effective).

She did let me know that since I do have PCOS I need to be sure to have my primary care physician test me for Diabetes, Thyroid disease, and Metabolic Syndrome at least every other year.

She ordered up my glucose screening and infectious disease blood work as well as checking my thyroid levels and my kidney functions because of my PKD as well and will check with my ob/gyn since I already had my lipids/cholesterol checked there at my last pap.

She was friendly with Adam and included him in the conversation, which is important as well.

Her nurse called me on Thursday to let me know that my pregnancy test was negative (as expected) and my thyroid levels were good. She also stressed that if I remember to do nothing else, it's to call their office on the first day of my cycle.

I had my blood drawn yesterday (8 vials full, it was a lot), and will call on Monday to see if my results are in.

Avandia the insulin resistance medication I've used with success in the past has been removed from the market because of liver toxicity and heart failure in some patients. I'll start my Metformin as soon as she gives me the clear. I'll go in for another visit in one month to check if I've ovulated, if not then they'll give me an injection to start a cycle, and begin my Femara then. I also will have a hysterosalpingogram between days 9 and 12 of my cycle to make sure that my tubes are nice and clear, which apparently can help move things along easier just by having that done, kind of a roto-rooter.

Last Saturday I called every temple in the continental US and Hawaii (not sure why I left our Alaska, I'll include them next time) to put my name and a friend who is going through a rough patch right now, on their prayer rolls. Standard procedure for all temples except for a few is names to remain on the rolls for two weeks. I figured the extra prayers would benefit our family.

I'm feeling very optimistic at this stage. It is time for our family to grow, and I know that blessings come when we do our part, and in the case of my family expanding I have to do everything I can on my end to prepare my body to support an egg, and thus a baby. I believe in miracles, both of my boys are miracles, and God has not ceased to be a God of miracles. One will come. I have faith.

Good Reason

Yesterday was November 12.

I went to the beach at 2pm. Yes, yes, I did.

A good reason to pay the price of living in Orange County

Synonyms

I'm looking for a synonym to express my feelings towards my brother Brian.

At the end of September he donated a kidney to my dad.

Here is what the thesaurus suggests for my feelings about this:

acknowledge, be grateful, be indebted, beobligated, be obliged, bless, bow down, givethanks, kiss*, praise, say thank you, showappreciation, show courtesy, show gratitude,smile on

For some reason none of these words quite grasps what my spirit feels. Without his sacrifice things would be hugely different for me. My mom lost her fight with cancer and my dad is the parent I have left. Without Brian I may not even have him.

To him it was something that just needed to be done. To me it means I have a spiritual guide for tough times, an example of faith, a rock of reason, a papa for my boys, a friend for my husband, a provider of comfort, an example of righteous priesthood, an easy place to land.

If I could find a word in the English language that means humbled, relieved, peaceful, inspired, indebted, I would say it. But I don't, and the offspring of all those emotions is the one that I feel.

Somehow, 'Thanks' just doesn't even brush the fringes of my expressions towards my dear friend Brian.

Candy Apples

I had a great time making candy apples with my girls, Amy, Jodie, Lindsay, Jenny, Lori and Tiara.

Tiara is a great hostess and we had a super girls night while making yummy treats.

Seriously, getting harder to not get attached to this great part of Orange County.

Swirling

Swirling through my head lately:

I have become a weather wimp. I went outside and got in the car, it registered 78 degrees. A little more than a year ago, 78 would have been truly arctic.

Several weeks ago M and I were watching So You Think You Can Dance, it was the Tahitian dance night. M was enraptured watching it, finally he said, 'Mom, look at her bum!', nothing but awe expressed in his tone.

I went out to frozen yogurt with my OC girls, it was totally bizarre to be the person in the group with the oldest children. Most of my girls are around my same age, but either started their families later or got married later than I did. It was a strange feeling.

I used to think that my mom was B-O-R-I-N-G when she watched Masterpiece Theater on PBS, but now I see her logic. Everything is better with a British accent (I'm surprised you didn't know that).

Sitting at the dinner table and heard this coming down the stairs from the bathroom: 'I did it! I went poop! It's coming out! My bum is dancing! Dancing! Dancing!'

M reading Hezekiah: 'And it came to pass that Boba Fett was a good guy.'

There are phrases that I thought I would ever say, and was positive that if I did say them, it wouldn't be more than once per day. One such phrase: Take your hands out of your pants.

There are two things are the horizon right now. A want and a need. The thing I want, I want it desperately, and the thing I need I also want, but not quite as desperately. They can't both happen at the same time. I think I know Heavenly Father's answer, but it's my need and does not have an immediate gratification factor. I'm frustrated. I sometimes feel like Jonah, running away from the lesson rather than doing what I'm asked and trusting the Lord. Why do I fight the things I'm supposed to be learning? Struggling against the currents and feel like I'm drowning along the way, instead of floating on my back with them and letting the lessons and oxygen come easily.

The songs, 'Where It's At?', by Beck, 'Last Goodbye', by Jeff Buckley, 'Kiss' by Prince and anything by George Michael, always make me want to sing and shake my booty, two of the things that I'm sure my fellow gym goers do not want me to do.

The thing I love most about my new to me car is that it looks expensive, but we got it for a steal! I am a girl who loves a bargain.

Happy 7th Birthday E!

E turned 7 years old today! It feels so strange to know that on his NEXT birthday he will have the opportunity to get baptized.

He is growing so big, and I am so proud of the good person he is, for the good choices he makes, and the joy that he brings to our family.

Love this picture

This is his daddy's boy through and through.

My Nephew

My nephew Jacob (E's most favorite person in the wide-world) is an amazingly talented 8 year old. He is in a YouTube contest to win $100 and recognition from Jon Schmidt for playing the song Road Trip (by Jon Schmidt). He needs to get as many hits as possible to win. Check him out he is awesome!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vK4dOOUln4E.

Free

Who said couponing wasn't worth it? I paid not one penny for the following:



































Take that nay-sayers!

Big Boy Bed

At 3 1/2 M finally got a big boy bed. He never climbed out of his bed and since there are no Gilbert babies joining us soon, we put it off for as long as our consciences allowed. But we finally decided now that he's potty trained he is probably ready for this next step. He has done really well, he's only fallen out 1 time and snuck downstairs after bed time 1 time. I have had to alarm clock train him because the new freedom has allowed him to get out of bed before 7am, which is an absolutely no-go for me. He has been great about waiting for the alarm to go off since I instituted that policy. My baby really is a big boy.

Jiu Jitsu

E had his first Jiu Jitsu tournament 2 weeks ago. He did awesome! He took his opponent down pretty quickly and dominated the whole time, but in the end he got 4th place. We were so proud of him that he worked hard and didn't give up. The most important part was he had a great time and learned how to be a good sport.

First Day of School 2010

Today was E's first day of first grade! He was so excited. About 3 weeks ago he told me that he missed school, he missed Andrew and lunch and recess and Science class.His new teacher is Miss Macdonald and lucky for him Andrew is in his class again this year!

Here's my handsome boy:

Big Bear 2010

We took our first family destination trip this August. We went up to Big Bear for three days and had a super time. I found a house that was in Sugarloaf which is just outside of Big Bear Lake City. It cost $50/night with a $50 flat cleaning fee. It was perfect, a little bit in the woods, it had 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a living room and kitchen, so I was able to bring food for meals and not have to eat out for every meal. We did eat at the really yummy hamburger restaurant called Get the Burger, it's basically In-n-Out on steriods. Locally owned, and cash only. The owner actually made our milk shakes for us. It was worth the calories.

The first day we went to the Alpine Slide and went down it 3 times, we all loved it. It's a bit pricey and addicting, so it could be very expensive if you got out of control.

M isn't tall enough to go down by himself, but he still loved it.

The chair lift ride up was almost as fun as the slide itself. On the way up M and I saw that someone had lost a shoe, M said, "That's okay, Buzz Lightyear will save it."

It rained the first afternoon we were there but the boys had a great time playing in it anyway. It was very reminscent of the monsoon in AZ, reminded me of home, without the heat.

The second day we were there we took a little hike in the woods and M picked up some souvenirs. He has always loved rocks, specificially, throwing rocks. They were all effectively discarded by the time we got to the end of the trail. We saw probably 30 lizards all over the place on our little walk.

I know, white shorts, hiking? What was I thinking?

We went to the Moonridge Zoo. It's a tiny zoo, but well worth the admission price. They have 6 bears, a wolf pack, a snow leopard, and this mountain lion, as well as several other animals. M is being a mountain lion as well.

E's favorite animal was the bald eagle. You can't tell by the expression on his face but he loved looking at these birds.

We took the boys to a petting zoo/pony rides. Both boys were grinning ear to ear the entire time they were on the pony (named Tiger).

M shocked me that he actually pet the goats and pigs, I thought for sure he would run screaming, but we has super brave. (I'm holding the cup up high because there was one goat that was exceptionally tall and would snatch anything out of your hands if given the opportunity).

Our last day there we went up to the top of the ski slopes to do some exploring. E loves to climb rocks. When he takes a break from jiu jitsu we're going to put him in a rock climbing class. He is a pro.

11 Years

11 Years ago I married my very favorite person in the wide world. I would do it again without question. I've been happier than ever, learned more than ever, and experience true joy being with him. He's pretty much perfect.

I love you A.

Concert in the Park

On Thursdays in July at Mile Square Park they have concerts in the park. We don't go to them often, but when family was in town we want and had a great time.

Just Another Day At The Beach

When A's aunt and uncle Jolena & Steve and their kids were in town, we went to the beach for a few hours, here are the picutres.

Adventure Playground

E and I went with our friends the Orgill's to Adventure Playground in the Huntington Beach Central Park. It costs $3 per child and adults are free. They have a building area where you rent a hammer or saw and are able to build things. They boys did that for at least 45 minutes, it was way simple fun. They also had a mud waterslide, a rope bridge and a pond and raft area. It is a worth your while inexpensive way to spend a few ours during the summer.

E's face says it all.