Friday, December 24, 2010

Starting -- Cycle II -- Days 12 & 13

Yesterday was day 12 and I went in for my regular ultrasound. I was very nervous going in since Metformin has never worked in the past for me so I was afraid that there wouldn't be any follicle growth. To my surprise there was an egg in each ovary! The one on the left was slightly bigger than the one on the right, but sure enough, two good ones. Dr. M. wanted me to go back in today for another ultrasound to see what the one on the right would do since this is my first ovulation cycle with her as my doctor. I went in this morning and the one on the right hadn't grown much but the one on the left was bugger and ready for the hCG shot to stimulate ovulation. So they administered the shot in the office. Tomorrow is Christmas so I won't go in for IUI, we'll be left to our own devices for the next few days. I'm going up to dad's on Sunday so I'll go back to the Dr. for a progesterone blood draw on Friday.

I have been contemplating the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego when they were thrown into the fiery furnace because they would not worship the king's idols. I love the verse in Daniel chapter 3:17&18 when they know that God can save them from the flames, but if he doesn't, their faith is still not shaken. They have been a huge example to me as I take on this endeavor.
I had a moment when I took a mental step back and looked at my family. I know that God can send our family another baby, but if He doesn't, my family is full the way it is. I love my boys, they are magnificent people and my life is very blessed.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Boys

Things they do when they are excited:

E hops up and down on his tippy toes, straight up into the air.

M claps his hands 3 times in quick succession.

I don't think that either one of them is aware that they are doing it when they do. It's pretty darn cute.

E earned an award for Academic Acheivement in his first trimester of school. That means he got top grades in his class --he's a smarty -- that one.

M figured out how to ride his tricycle. For some reason he had a really hard time for a long time doing the pedals. Now his ambition in life is to ride down to the lightpole and back. He wears his helmet and a pair of riding gloves.

E CAN NOT wait for Santa to come. He changes his mind weekly as to what he wants the big guy to bring. It's hard for Santa to keep up and he hopes that this good little boy will not be too disappointed when he gets the thing that he wanted so desperately 2 months ago, instead of what he wants this week.

M on the other hand does not want Santa to come at all. He finds the jolly-old-elf completely terrifying and would rather forego the presents if it means running the risk of the bearded red one actually getting into the house. He has always had a deep seeded mistrust of men with facial hair.

Starting -- Cycle II -- Days 1, 2 & 3

I started a new cycle on Sunday, which was totally unexpected since it would have only been day 16 of the first cycle. It was also the day that I finished my Femara pills. I wasn't sure if that was what was expected, so I called Dr. M. to ask. She called me back on Monday (one of my favorite things about this office is that the Dr. calls me directly, rather than through one of her nurses), she didn't have an answer why it would have happened, and had me go in for an ultrasound yesterday. She didn't see anything on the ultrasound that would explain why I'd started a new cycle, so she checked my estrogen and progesterone levels to see if I ovulated and we just missed it. She said that sometimes the Prevara can cause ovulation. She called me back in the afternoon to say that the blood works just looks like I started a new cycle. She was going to run a pregnancy test, she didn't think I was pregnant, but just to be sure...
She called me today to say that I for sure am not pregnant and to restart a Femara treatment cycle then to come see her on day 10 or 11. So I'll see her next Thursday or Friday.

I'm still feeling pretty unstressed on the whole. I was pretty concerned about starting a new cycle earlier than I anticipated, but not because I wasn't pregnant, only because it wasn't what I was expecting.

I appreciate every one's kind comments and your faith and prayers in behalf of my family.

The anger factor that I felt so prevalently in my previous fertility efforts is non existent. Before, I was so angry at people who seemed to have babies whenever they felt like and was certain that any ones concerns for me were not genuine. That because others couldn't understand my trials that their sympathy was pity. And I did not want anyone else's pity. While it's still true that others don't fully understand my personal trials, it's the same for me that I don't fully feel other's trials. Their love and concern for me are real and they really do hope and pray that my family will be blessed with more children. That just because it doesn't consume their thoughts and anxieties the way it does mine that overall, love is what they feel for me and the only service they can give on my behalf is to mourn, in their own way, my trials and exert their faith in sacrifice for my family.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Starting -- Cycle 1 -- Days 11 & 12

Yesterday I had my Hystersalpingogram. I started taking antibiotics the day before the exam and are continuing them today. I'm not able to take the Metformin while taking the antibiotics, which has been a relief to my stomach. I went to the health center and had an x-ray done of my reproductive organs to see if there were any blockages or any other issues that would need to be addressed (other than the PCOS). They use a contrasting iodine based solution to make sure the organs show up on the x-ray. It was very interesting to see a real time shot of my uterus and fallopian tubes (I almost posted one of the pictures, but decided to spare the exceptionally personal stuff). It was also interesting to see the solutions spilling out of my tubes at the ovary end, into the abyss that is the cavity of my body surrounding them. Overall the experience wasn't terrible. It was about as uncomfortable as having a pelvic exam, not how I would choose to spend any free time I might have in the near future but not a dreaded ordeal either.
Today I had my 12 day appointment with Dr. Moayeri. She looked at the pictures of the x-rays, but didn't have the report from the health center yet, but she said that the pictures looked good, that my tubes look clear since you can see the solution exiting the opposite end of them, and the uterus looks like it filled up just the way it was supposed to. She also did an ultrasound of my ovaries to see if there are any eggs developing or that I ovulated since I've been on the Metformin, both answers were, 'No'. I wasn't expecting to have either of those happened based on my previous experiences with Metformin. I started taking the Femara today: two 2.5 mg tablets daily for 5 days. I'll have another doctor appointment in 10 days to see what effect that dosage may have. I told Dr. Moayeri about the Metformin giving me stomach problems and she suggested to take both tablets at dinnertime to see if that alleviates some of my discomforts.

It feels weird to not be stressing about this. While trying to get pregnant with my boys I had such a high level of anxiety that this not weirding-out feeling is kind of making me concerned. I feel I'm walking a fine line between trusting in Heavenly Father and relying too heavily on the arm of man. I am aware that I can't do this without His help, but maybe it's inappropriate for me to assume that He'll send me a baby just because I start seeing a doctor. I hope I'm not missing something here?