Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Today

If I made a list of days that would be alright to forget, today would be one of those days.
I swear I am the the meanest mom I know. It's just one of those days where I wonder why on earth Heavnly Father thought it was a good idea to let me be a mom. E is an a-m-a-z-i-n-g person. It hasn't been anything he has necessarily done that has made me so grumpy. It is 100% me. For some reason I'm feeling completely frustrated and thus I don't respond as kindly as I should to his normal behavior. I think it's just a combination of things that have been building up, and for some reason I find myself at odds with this outstanding person who is everything I begged Heavenly Father to send me, how is that at all possible? I just feel terrible. And on top of that I have this immense feeling of loneliness, of near isolation from any real support system (other than A of course). I value the friendships that I do have greatly, but I'm not sure why I don't utilize them as often as I need to.
I took E to get his haircut at my friend Karen's house today, and I can't express how much I needed that interaction with her. It has helped lighten my shoulders and made me feel not so heavy. I need other people and I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way. I've decided to stop feeling so sorry for myself and take the step to reach out to others around me rather than expecting them to make the first move. In fact one of our family goals is to initiate more social activities, and to find others who might need us as much as we need them.

7 comments:

Deirdre Eagar said...

The GREAT thing about kids...they forgive and forget much easier then adults!! I am always apoligizing to my kids!!

Becky Porter said...

You are doing a great job of reaching out, Alicia! I hope you don't get discouraged by my crazy busy schedule--looking forward to hanging out soon :)

Kim said...

I loved this post Alicia...totally. Thanks for being so honest and sharing your thoughts with us. I've felt like this a lot of times. Sometimes it's difficult to remember that feelings like this come from the stinkin' adversary...but even knowing that they're sometimes hard to shake.
You're an amazing Mom, with great Kids and they love you dearly no matter what kind of day you're having. And we love you too!!!

Amberly said...

I feel the same strange lonliness often, one that can not be explained easily. We married great men and have great women around us, yet somehow feel totally isolated sometimes. Don't hesitate to call on your friends in those slightly darker moments, it's amazing what a great conversation can do for the spirit- and as for ethan. I have one of those too... a great kid that also drives me up the wall sometimes!

The Malone's said...

I'm glad that I'm not the only mom out there who feels like this. You're just the better pesron to acknowledge how you feel and realize that kids can be both your greatest joy and frustration. Thanks for your post Alicia!

Ashlee said...

Great Post. Thanks for sharing. When we lived in UT and CA we had goals of reaching out to people and it became a great blessing to us. I admire you and am glad to know you.

Lori, Colin, Mia & Jack said...

Oh, Alicia, I have so many days like that!! Since we have been here I have one great friend, thankfully! I am so like the mom you described who has an awful day and takes it out on her kids, I think we all do that sometimes, me just more than most. Chin up girl, you are the best mom you can be. I love you!