If I made a list of days that would be alright to forget, today would be one of those days.
I swear I am the the meanest mom I know. It's just one of those days where I wonder why on earth Heavnly Father thought it was a good idea to let me be a mom. E is an a-m-a-z-i-n-g person. It hasn't been anything he has necessarily done that has made me so grumpy. It is 100% me. For some reason I'm feeling completely frustrated and thus I don't respond as kindly as I should to his normal behavior. I think it's just a combination of things that have been building up, and for some reason I find myself at odds with this outstanding person who is everything I begged Heavenly Father to send me, how is that at all possible? I just feel terrible. And on top of that I have this immense feeling of loneliness, of near isolation from any real support system (other than A of course). I value the friendships that I do have greatly, but I'm not sure why I don't utilize them as often as I need to.
I took E to get his haircut at my friend Karen's house today, and I can't express how much I needed that interaction with her. It has helped lighten my shoulders and made me feel not so heavy. I need other people and I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way. I've decided to stop feeling so sorry for myself and take the step to reach out to others around me rather than expecting them to make the first move. In fact one of our family goals is to initiate more social activities, and to find others who might need us as much as we need them.