Saturday, February 5, 2011

Starting -- Cycle III -- Day 29 & Cycle IV Day 1

The last 2 weeks have been very long weeks. Every twinge, cramp, ache, swollenness, pimple, emotional roller coaster and tiredness was put under cross-examination to determine if it were a symptom of pregnancy. Alas, none of them were.
A week after the IUI I went in for blood work to test my progesterone level to be sure that I ovulated. Anything over a 10 was good, I was at 35. I frankly wasn't surprised after all the cramping that I had after the shot, if I hadn't ovulated I would have been shocked.
I had to wait two weeks after the IUI before I had my blood pregnancy test. I spent the last 7 days searching my heart to see if it felt like I was pregnant, and I could never rest on thinking that I was. I told my body all week, 'Okay, if you're not pregnant, start a new cycle by Friday.' Friday morning I woke up clean, and my hope was rekindled. I went in for my blood work and asked the nurse if it was normal to not have any symptoms and she said it was. But by after lunch my new cycle had started. Dr. M. called later in the afternoon to confirm that that blood work was negative.
It wouldn't be honest of me to say that I am disappointed that I'm not pregnant, but I'm not devastated. I was extremely hopeful that it had worked.
I was not wild about being due on October 14 (which would have been the anniversary of my mom's death and very close to E's birthday), and I've taken a couple of months off from the gym and was hoping to get back in to my routine before getting pregnant, so there are some upsides to it not happening yet.
I have been proverbially counting my chickens though. I've been talking about things for after 'the baby' is born and buying the things that I know we'll need. My confidence in getting pregnant is not shaken, it's just not this month; it will be another month.
Every prayer that M says he asks to be blessed with a sister, a baby and a cat (always in that order) and he frequently tells people that mom doesn't have a baby in her belly, but will soon! Both boys are excited and hopeful and that gives me even more confidence because I know that children's prayers are sincere.

So the next step is start taking the Femara again on days 3-7 and go in for a baseline ultrasound on days 5 or 6.

Don't cry for me, I'm not yet.


Amberly said...

I am inspired by your positive attitude and perseverance. I love that you're documenting this journey. Your little angel in heaven is grateful you keep trying and push aside the discouragement. I love you!

The McKinnon 4 said...

I went in today for my mid cycle ultrasound. This was my first one since starting on metphormin. Still no growth. Been doing fertility since July. I have had the same attitude as you but today I must say was a little more depressing. So hard when you don't even know if what u r doing is going to work.

O'Leary O'Family said...

I'm disappointed. On to the next try! Kudos for staying positive!