Monday, October 8, 2007

Expectations

Last night A and I were talking about friendships. I have always been the type to have several friends around me, I thrive on the companionship of other women. Most of the women that I've been friends with in the past are still very dear to me even though all of them live very far away.
While we lived in Daly City we had two other couples that we were very good friends with. We were all pretty much at the same place in our lives, no kids, husbands in school, fairly newly married. And these were exceptional friendships in that all the wives got a long, all the husbands got along, we were one big happy group. One of the wives and I were especially close, we were kindred spirits (this doesn't take away from the friendship that I had with the other wife), but Courtney and I were two peas in a pod. We saw eachother, I would venture to say, at least 4 times a week, and probably talked every day. After we moved from Daly City, as is natural, the friendship dwindled a little. We are still friends but the bond isn't the same. I know it is to be expected, so I'm not upset by this, it's just how things happen.
Since then I have yet to find a friendship like that one. Of course, A is my best friend, but I don't have a very close female friend at this point, and this is kind of a foreign concept for me. I have yet to find another couple where the spouses are all as close as we were with our friends in Daly City. And I'm wondering if my expectations are too high? I know that even if I did find a friend like that, my life is drastically different now. I don't have the ability to just 'hang out' as I did then. I've got kids to be with, and they can complicate things. Especially if a potential friend has kids and ours don't get along, or if the husbands don't get along. But honestly, my life is a little lonely without that kind of bond. I am a social person, I love my friends, I love being around people, even if it's for no other reason than to sit and talk, or play board games.
So, as I was saying, A and I were talking last night about this, and I've come to the conclusion that I shouldn't be expecting another Courtney. I should be content to have casual friendships, but somehow, this just does not sit well with me. So I pose the question to you, dear reader, should I expect to find another Courtney, is it even possible now that my life has so many other factors?

5 comments:

Becky Porter said...

Alicia--your post really hit home with me. Ever since Jeff was made bishop it has been so hard for me to find time for a lot of things (exercising, date nights, and female friends top the list). I feel like Amy Hale is probably my best friend but there are weeks where we don't talk at all. Kinda weird, huh? Maybe you and I just need to invite people over more often. I think there are "Courtneys" out there...it just takes more work to find them now. Speaking of which, we should get together and play board games some time this month :)

Amberly said...

My two cents: I think it is a bit unrealistic to find someone just like Courney, but I don't think it's too much to ask for another kindred spirit. I think it means being willing to open yourself up to someone, to trust and to share and to be patient while the other decides if that's safe to do. I do think that husbands and children throw in a twist, but there are fantastic women around who still need female companionship just the same. I've had similar thoughts about a past friend as well and I think that friends drift in and out of our lives as we need them and as we can bless them- there. i'll be done now. I love you, by the way.

fav said...

i'm glad you posted this (and that i saw your blog on others). i've had a hard time lately, as we've just moved and you know how that goes...starting all over again:) it's very hard for me when i try to compare new friendships, to friendships in different situations,times of my life, etc...we all need female friends and i think you can find another kindred spirit-if you put yourself out there:) thanks alicia for your insights.

april said...

Hi Alicia! I agree with Amberly that you most likely won't find another Courtney, but I think that is good. You wouldn't want to replace Courtney or the memories of the awesome friendship you had. She is just such an awesome & unique person! But I definitely think you can become as close to someone else as you were with Court.
Unfortunately I think it will take time. Chuck and I have also missed the great relationships we had in SF. In fact, Chuck and I were just talking about it last night (interesting that it is around the same time as you and Adam). Having kids makes such a huge difference. But you are such a fun and social person I think it will just take a little time. It took me almost a full year to find a friend in my new area. But I love her dearly. She may not be from my favorites in SF, but she is definitely a favorite! Good luck finding her, Alicia! We miss you so much!

D. Russell said...

Although a man, and your Uncle, I'd love to be your friend.
Russ