On this last day of 2009 I just thought I'd post some of the wind-up items that need to be addressed:
While I don't have any real profound insights into the gradual healing that is happening in my heart right now, I can tell you that it is happening. And not by any power of my own. My heart, while not totally where I would like to be, it feels (quite literally) softer, there is not as much chaos in my emotions. The burden is definitely being shared at this point, and I am very grateful to my Savior for taking the reigns on this one. It isn't happening overnight but as soon as I placed it on His shoulders the struggle became less profound. I have a long way to go yet, but the hill isn't as steep, and I'm coming to the crest of the summit much quicker than I anticipated.
Something big is waiting to happen in my life, I don't know what it is, but Satan has been doing his all to prevent me from getting there. I've got to win this one.
I was PROFOUNDLY moved while reading Mormon 8 verses 1-13 my loneliness is minuscule compared to the grief that Moroni endured, and he bore it bravely and with complete confidence in the Lord, his faith was not shaken, and his love for the Lord was made sure. I have my amazing husband, E and M, my friends and my family, I am not nearly as alone as he was. The end to my trial is in sight, where he had to persevere through his for the rest of his life on earth, which made his blessings that much sweeter when he received them, as mine will be likewise.
I appreciate all of your kind thoughts and suggestions, there are so many great examples of righteous mothers out there, I am humbled by your confidence in my abilities and am eternally grateful for your prayers, they have assuredly been felt.
A is a faithful priesthood holder who has put his pride on the back burner more often that he would have liked to this year. He listened to the Spirit telling him how best to provide for his family, took a huge leap of faith and totally overhauled his career path, doing what we all knew he was born to do and doing it well. He graduated #1 in the class above 17 other people, receiving 4 of the 7 awards for top marks in different categories in his class and received huge compliments and praises from his instructors and was asked to come back to teach for the classes that will come behind him. I am very grateful to the Lord for sending me a husband who is exactly right for me, is always helpful and supportive, even tempered and strong, funny and wise, faithful and honest, brave and trusting, confident and gentle -- Amazing. He is a Sunbeam teacher in our ward.
E's 6th year on this earth was full of change. He now lives with 5 adults who all love him completely. He lives in California and can spend 300 days of the year outside in perfect weather. He started Kindergarten, is in the top reading group of his class, got his first report card and did perfectly in all but 2 categories that he will work on. He lost his first 2 teeth, learned how to ride a bike, is old enough to be out of the booster seat in the car, is a champion Wii player, awesome reader, funny story teller, can make friends anywhere he goes, loves to write books (I wonder where he got that from?), loves to play with his brother, loves to be right, loves to help with chores, loves to go camping, hunting, hiking, and to Disneyland (he is tall enough for all but 1 of the rides, he's even brave enough for the Haunted Mansion, but not quite brave enough for Indiana Jones), he has become concerned with looking 'cool' by making sure his hair is always styled (as styled as his stick-straight blonder than blond hair can be). He weighs: 53 lbs and is 48" tall, his favorite person is Jacob. Best quote of the year: There are too many to choose from, but off the top of my head, see the post about Past Tense. He wants to be a bounty hunter when he grows up.
M's 2nd full year on this earth was also full of change, he too lives with 5 adults who love him completely. He lives in California and can spend 300 days of the year outside in perfect weather. He loves his class at church, loves to play at the day-care at the gym, loves Sis, the dog (will play outside by himself for hours if she's there with him), can talk up a storm (you are very talented if you understand the entire storm), loves to ride bikes with his dad and brother, can hit a baseball most of the time, became very brave at swimming lessons, is tiny but tough and fast, loves to cook and clean, hates to eat (cuts out of playtime), loves to wrestle, is running when he's going, loves Disneyland, but not the rides, is as big as his brother (if you ask him). He weighs 29 lbs and is 36" tall, his best friend is Brooklyn. Best quote of the year: while helping me make cookies and looking up at me from the stool: Mom! Your nose!
Me: What's wrong with my nose?
Mn: There are spiders in there!
He wants to shoot monsters when he grows up.
I made goals for my body and met them by the end of the year, and now have set new ones to work for by the end of March. The financial goals that we set fell just short of completion, but will be met by the end of January. We have set new ones for 2010 and will hunker down to achieve them. I have also set personal goals for my spiritual growth and they are coming along.
It has been a year of change and of blessings, for that we are grateful.
We look foward to what is to come.