Have you ever been 'Done'?
Well today I am.
For too long I have been entertaining self-destructive, counter productive thoughts and feelings of inadequacy and unimportance. I would look at others around me and be mad at myself for not being as good as them. I would read other blogs that really are uplifting and meant to edify and just feel like I have fallen so short of my potential.
I have had a lot of very personal insights in the last few days regarding my worth to my Heavenly Parents and I have decided to be done coasting spiritually. I am who I am and I am not expected to be more, I'm just expected to be the best me that I can and not worry about how I measure to others, because there is no such measuring stick. I know that this may seem like a duh thing to most people. But for some reason I am just now learning. It probably won't be the last time in my life that I have to come to that conclusion, but for now, the lesson is still fresh.
When I think of coasting in a car I realize that the car has no acceleration and eventually it will stop. That is not going to be me.
Jesus Christ is my Savior. Joseph Smith is a prophet of God. Prayer works. And that is the reality of my faith.
I'm also done feeling like I am not of worth to people around me.
I don't have a lot of close friends in the Phoenix area but I do have a lot of friends, so I'm going to be okay with that. While I struggle with maintaing casual relationships one of my talents is being a very good close friend [it seems like those two would cancel each other out, but just ask those who are my closest friends, most of them didn't like me very much (read 'at all') in the beginning]. I thrive on strong friendships but the right one has not come a long yet, and that is just the nature of my season in life right now.
I have also felt that I have been poorly judged by some around me as a mean mother to E. The fact of the matter is that Heavnly Father sent him to me because I would be the best mother for him, and while I am not perfect at it I try everyday to do the things that will give him the tools to return to our Father in Heaven. I love him, he loves me. He is happy, smart, friendly, caring, polite, kind hearted, adventurous, the list goes on. We have a happy home, and he is not mistreated, so I am done caring what others might think of my relationship with him because we have a good one.
I am valued by my Savior, my husband, my parents, my children, my siblings, the Wolf Pack, My Fishbien (Hardt), and now myself.
I am officially -- Done!