The Car

I guess I grew up in the olden days, but when I was but a lass we didn't use seat belts or booster seats. We all just kind of ran amok. And if there was a reason to perform a sudden stop, you could feel safe knowing that mom or dad would swiftly fling their right arm across the chest of the person who was riding in front with them; the rest of us?: well we had to just hold an on hope for the best.
I don't remember when we started using seat belts, not until my teens and it still pains my dad that he has to use his. Most of the time he will tuck the chest harness under one of his arms so he doesn't have it going across his chest (he's a super safety minded kind of guy, he also believes that airbags are a ruse by the government to get us blown up when in an accident since that is what propels the airbag: explosives).
There are six kids in my family and two parents; the Suburban that I grew up riding in had two bench seats which held 3 people each and a big expanse at the back that two of the remaining kids plus the family dog (usually) got to roam around in. When going on vacation my dad would put all of our luggage flat in the 'way' back and then put the mattress from our sofa bed on top and that was the luxury that the we rode in.
We didn't have air conditioning, FM radio, automatic windows or a DVD player. If it was an especially long car ride, mom would bring along a 'boom box' and we would listen to such gems as the 'My Turn on Earth' or 'Saturday's Warrior' soundtracks or the jamming tunes of the Carpenters or Barry Manilow (all of us singing at the tops of our voices). If you hadn't used the facilities to relieve yourself before the journey began, you'd better hope that your bladder had a 5 hour capacity since there was no way dad was stopping for minutiae such as that.
For the family trip we took to Yellowstone National Park (in August) when I was 11 years old my parents did splurge and dad 'tinted' the windows to cut down on some of the heat. When we were sick of Karen or Barry we would turn off the boom box and sing such classics as 'The Lord said to Noah there's gonna be a floody-floody...' (if you don't know that one, I'd be happy to sing it to you, it's a gem). Good times were had on that trip, rumbling along in that great big beast. (BTW, dad would stop on that trip for potty breaks, he wasn't a masochist).
It was pure bliss. With my rose-colored glasses I remember no pinching, pulling, yelling, fighting, I told you so's, stop touching me's, or proving that someone else is wrong. Just music, laughter, and the partaking of the ambrosia of a good old family car ride.
But for some reason if we were driving between our home in Northern Nevada and my grandparents home in the California Bay Area (about a 5 hour drive and we made this drive at least once every two months for most of my childhood), you could guarantee that about on hour outside of our destination, the radio was turned off and silence was mandatory from the six children as dad had 'had enough!'
So why is it that GUARANTEED in the 5 minutes that my kids are strapped down on the way to swimming lessons have I reached my 'I've had enough!' limit by minute 1.333? There are only two of them in the back seat plus we have a radio, air conditioning (with their very own vents pointing directly at them), automatic windows and for very long trips a DVD player. For some reason my kids find it impossible to keep their hands and their pestering to themselves for any length of time in the car. Maybe we ought to go seatbeltless and see if that improves the mood in the car? I doubt I'd really do it, but sometimes I fantasize about the nirvana that a car ride might be if everyone got to do their own thing and we weren't all so strapped down. We'd be 'on top of the world'.
Darn the safety consciousness of it all!

Cats

I love, love, love cats. Right now we don't have one, but some day I plan to have a kitty again.
When I think of the phrase 'the cat's out of the bag' I imagine some poor kitty waiting, waiting to be let out and finally SPRINGING out of it's prison.
So I'm letting the cat out of the bag:

I'm pregnant! As of last Tuesday I'm 14 weeks along. I'm due December 13, but will have the baby early since I have c-sections. I've been postponing this post because I wanted to post a copy of our ultrasound pictures, since moving out though, we don't have a scanner to scan them into the computer.

I know it was a tricky-trick to play in my ending post about fertility. Please forgive me, I just wasn't ready at 2 weeks pregnant to let the world know. I have such a long time getting pregnant that when I finally do the stress of telling people right away and running the risk of a miscarriage is too much for me to handle. So I've always waited until the 3 month mark is over before telling anyone but immediate family.

We are super thrilled with this turn of events. The boys are really excited, although it is still a little cerebral for M. I think he understands about being a big brother but not fully. I'm not at all concerned about jealousy issues, he'll almost be 5 when the baby is born.

This is the sickest pregnancy I've had. And I am exceptionally sensitive to smells. In fact, the smell of my kitchen cabinets is sure to make me want to be sick. I am always really hungry which I don't remember from my 1st two pregnancies, and I am going to the bathroom A LOT (a tid-bit I hadn't forgotten about). The tiredness is lessening as I get further in, but I had a hard go of it for a few weeks.

Thank you all for your love and concern, I appreciate your support and friendship. It really does mean a lot to me, even if it sounds trite.




PS: It's a girl!

THINGS

I never really thought of myself as a materialistic sort of person. But unpacking all of my THINGS really made me question that. I love my THINGS not because I feel more important because of them or the status that they appear to hold (believe me there is not much in this house that others would necessarily covet) but because they are MY things. Having lived with someone else THINGS, having to take care of THINGS I don't have any sentimental attachment too, has really made me appreciate the THINGS that I do have. It was like unpacking a few lost friends. THINGS I had missed greatly and THINGS I'd forgotten how much I loved them. Each THING that came out of the boxes brought a little sigh of relief that my life was coming back to me, that the THINGS that I have are just the right amount and that these THINGS represent who I am and how I take care of my family and the importance I place in making this home a happy comfortable place for us to grow in. I'm so happy to be surrounded by THINGS that make my most important PEOPLE happy.

You Have No Idea

It's been almost 2 years since we moved from AZ to OC. We've been living with my parents-in-law that whole time, and while they are lovely people, use your imagination and you can probably guess how much fun it's been. Our intention never was to be here this long, but the move out date kept getting pushed back for various reasons.
About a year ago we started looking to buy a house but everytime it came up I just got a sick feeling and did not feel it was the right thing for our family at that time. Since we still own our house in AZ we decided to start looking for a place to rent after the school year got out. We were originally thinking that South OC was where we wanted to land. I have great friends here, plus we live only about 15 minutes from A's work, which is a huge benefit with gas prices being so high, and the school district we are in is an exceptional one, but rent in our zip code for a detached house (or even some townhomes), is pretty outrageous, I'd given up hope of finding something we could afford here.
A few weeks ago my friend Jodie told me there was a house around the corner from her that looked like the tenants were moving out and that I should check it out. I did, with very low hopes that it would be something we could afford. I talked to the landlord over the phone and he told me how much the rent was, I couldn't believe it! It was only slightly more than we were planning to spend! I thought we'd go see it the next week since A was working most of last week and I wasn't sure when we could go see it together. Then Jodie called and said that she'd looked at it and that it was great, there were other people there looking at it too and I had to go see it immediately (this was all before they'd officially started to advertise it, rentals go super quick here, mostly by word of mouth)! I went by myself and was totally in love. It was exactly what we were looking for. I told A about that night and he said that he wanted to go see it on Friday, so we did and he loved it too. We put in an application and they accepted us!

Hooray! We are finally moving out! The house should be ready by the end of next week, they are replacing the carpet, painting, and fixing up a few things. You have no idea how happy I am about this. There are only a small number of things I have been this excited about in a really long time. It was one of those things that just fell into our laps and worked so well that we knew it was the right decision. We have been hugely blessed, more than I can express.

I feel like squealing with glee!

Cycle V -- The End

I've been laying awake for several nights composing two different posts, and this is the one that is being written.

I need to focus on other aspects of my life in blogging right now. The emotional stakes right now are too high to continue in posting about fertility.

I thought I could stick it out and told myself that I should, but I just can't.

I've learned a lot about positive thinking and about focusing on remembering that Heavenly Father is God and is more concerned about my family life than I often recognize. He places in our paths people and things and events that will contribute to our progression and is constantly mindful of our needs and wants (even when they aren't always the same).

I'm grateful today for the mercy He has shown me.

Magic

I have always been hugely jealous of people who can write well. I am in awe of the way that they can make me feel something, to think about things in a new way, and inspire me to be a better person.
I love being able to read, I find it to be one of the great pleausres of my life and I am truly blessed to have been taught that love through my mother. I can remember when my dad was working nights that the three of us little kids would all pile on to her bed at night she would read to us.
Reading is a true joy.

For Christmas E was given the Lego Harry Potter Wii game. He loves, loves, loves playing Wii. The game had him asking questions about the Harry Potter story, and he wanted to watch the movie. I told him that books were better, that he couldn't watch the movie until he'd read the book.
He has always been very talented in reading but now he's been hit by Harry Potter's magic.
We started at about the beginning of February and are now on book 4: The Goblet of Fire. We read at least 1 chapter a day. He insists it's because he wants to get to the movie faster, but I think he's covering up his real motives. He is constantly asking questions, wanting to know why that happened, if this will ever happen, do we find out about this or that? He daydreams about it. He desperately wants to go the Universal Studios Harry Potter theme park in Florida. He doesn't even really love the movies because of the discrepancies with the books. He even would rather read the book than play the Wii game, and that, my friend, is a triumph!



This picture was taken when E was about 11 months old, and this was his favorite book at the time.

Reading is magical!

Cycle V -- Day 18

I had an ultrasound to check if my follicles were still there, and all three were gone, meaning that I'd ovulated. We did the IUI, I took it easy yesterday hoping that might be helpful. Since I'd already ovulated I don't need to do another IUI. Now we just wait and see

Hallelujah!

A big fat hug and thank you needs to go out to Lindsay!
She invited me to join her gourmet group, one of the thousands of things I've missed about Arizona.
Since the first time she mentioned that she belonged to a Gourmet Group I've just been waiting for someone to 'kick the bucket' and leave the group so there might be an opening for me, lucky for me it just so happened that it was Lindsay's sister-in-law who left, providing me an 'in' and someone who I couldn't be more excited to host with. Our month is June, already the wheels are turning, planning, thinking, drooling.
I had my first fabulous gourmet dinner in California last Tuesday night, and it reminded me just how so, so, so, much fun these events can be.
Hooray!

(This is a bit late, sorry, it doesn't mean I'm not totally excited about it).

Cycle V -- Day 17

Went in for my ultrasound today, three follicles are ready. Had my hCG shot. We have an appointment for IUI tomorrow and will have another one on Wednesday.

Think implantation, people...

It's worked twice before, it can happen again.