Focus On Eternity

Miss M

2012-01-06T12:33:00.002-07:00

Here are the much anticipated pictures of our Little Miss M. The one with Mr. M holding her she's yawning, not crying.

In Love

2011-12-26T15:39:00.002-07:00

I was so nervous I wouldn't be. I was afraid I wouldn't like this little miss very much. I remembered how hard brand new babies are, and I was scared.
But: I am In Love.
She is so laid back and easy, if she cries there is a reason. She sleeps like a champ, eats predictably, and is about the sweetest thing I've seen in at least 4 years.
I love her blond but long eyelashes, her tiny toe nails, the wrinkle around her wrists, her double dimpled cheeks, the way she bops herself in the nose when she sneezes, her cry that sounds like an 'h', the tai chi she performs when she has a full tummy and is checking the world out, her friar tuck hairstyle, the puppy noises she makes when she's sleeping.
It's almost not fair how much I get to love her.

Little Miss

2011-12-06T15:46:00.000-07:00

Little Miss M made her grand entrance at 8am. She is perfectly lovely. She looks almost exactly like E. She is feeding well, and content most of the time. We are so blessed to have her in our family.
Will post a picture eventually, still getting into the swing of things.

Honestly

2011-11-18T13:33:00.005-07:00

Ask some of my oldest and dearest friends what one of my character traits is and one of the top will more than likely be my honesty. If you ask my opinion, or for help on something or for advice, I will always give you my honest thoughts. If you are one of my close friends, sometimes the thoughts may seem harsh, but I never give them in a mean spirited way. I expect that if you ask me, it's because you really want to know, so I will tell you. Of course I strive to give it as tactfully as possible and with as much cushioning as possible, but it will be the truth, you are guaranteed that. This is always done with love and I know that the understanding between us will make the truth palatable. I would expect nothing less from my friends. If I ask it, I don't want to be lied to, I want to know. I rarely take offense and assume that others are the same (maybe this isn't such a super assumption, but hey, I'm being honest here). My good friends love me because of (or maybe in spite of) this. I have a hard time with people who ask loaded questions then get their feelings hurt because they didn't hear the answer they had been hoping for. Often times when a question is asked and I'm not sure how the truth will be received I will ask, "Do you want the truth or an easier answer?" I will never offer my opinion or advice that might seem unkind without being asked. Simply: if you don't want to know, don't ask. If I have never complimented your shoes, and it will make you cry to know that I think they are hideous, don't ask. If I have never said your baby is cute, go ahead and assume that I think he is, but don't ask, because I just may not think that Jr. is adorable. And on the flip side, I don't give compliments or praise that I am not sincere about. I won't tell you that you look like you've lost weight or that your new haircut is super cute, if I don't honestly believe it.
Another of my traits that my close friends know about is that I have an exceptional aversion to strangers. I have a hard time chatting with people who I don't know well, have little in common with, will probably never/have no desire to ever see again.
And lastly, another aspect of my personality: I am not a toucher. I find almost all kinds of touch to be very intimate, and only appropriate in certain conditions: being physical with my husband, snuggling my big and little babies, a hug and kiss for my dad, a hug for a friend in need (a touch I use only when I feel 100% it is needed), a pat on the back for a friend who has done well, a handshake with a member of the ward. I am frequently astounded at the casualness with which some people use these kinds of touch. The 60 year old man (who I have on good authority talks about his appreciation or disapproval of the physiques of ladies in the ward) who will rub my back as I pass by, the overly friendly bagger at the grocery store who strokes the hair of my children, or tickles them on the back, the complete stranger (or even casual acquaintance) who assumes because I'm pregnant that I will appreciate a hand on my belly. I don't get it and I certainly don't welcome it.
Here's the problem: Why can't I use my honesty to tell these people to stop, that I would prefer to not be touched, or stroked, or manhandled in anyway. Why am I so up front with those I love and so scared of hurting the feelings of these people who I have no connection with? Do I care more about these strangers taking offense than those who really matter? Is the fear of confrontation so ingrained in me that I sit back and let people do what they want for fear of their backlash? Why do I care?! I don't know. Honestly, I don't.

$1,000,000 Question by M

2011-11-18T13:32:00.002-07:00

M: Mom, if you put your finger in your booger hole will you be able to touch your brain?
Me: No, you won't be able to touch your brain.
M: (With a sigh of disappointment) Oh, okay.

Guess What is NOT Fun

2011-10-20T10:57:00.004-07:00

Termites

Yes, friend, we have the joy of being in the company of dry wood termites here at the Gilbert House. These little lovelies are making a meal out of our kitchen cabinets, and during the warm weather love to swarm out of the kitchen cabinets into my kitchen, and love to push their 'droppings' out onto my kitchen counter. Truly a Joy.

This weekend we're being tented and fumigated to get rid of our interlopers. We get to spend the next couple of days packing up every bit of food we have so it doesn't get contaminted when our house is flooded with poisonous gases. Then we get to go into exile for the weekend and let strangers have free reign of our house. I'm not at all excited about the idea of people rummaging around my house (which they will to make sure there isn't any unpacked food or suicidal people hiding in closets, under sinks, in car trunks waiting to be gassed themselves). And although they say the gas doesn't cling to clothing, bedding, dishes, etc., I am not sure I trust their word all the way. Here's putting faith in the EPA and the State of California, that we will not all die after the house has been sufficiently aired out. And one of the advantages I was looking forward to in all of this -- the death of spiders -- turns out to not be happening. Apparently, spiders shut down their systems, so they don't breath the fumes, and just wait it out, little tricky-tricksters.

This post is NOT for the squeamish, it may seem inappropriately personal, but they are true thoughts and will be funny to moms.

2011-10-10T09:32:00.005-07:00

I try desperately hard to not complain about the different inconveniences of pregnancy, as I'm lucky to be here in the first place. However, I am getting REALLY tired of going to the bathroom All.The.Time. (This is not an exaggeration folks). This baby is so low that I find myself in desperate need of relief just about every 45 minutes, which makes most of life very hard. And when I do go, it's frustrating because the need to go is so strong and the outcome of that urgency seems hardly worth the money I spent on the toilet paper. With both my previous pregnancies I tried to ignore it as much as possible, with bad results. I had UTI's both times, with E it landed me in the hospital with preterm labor. So now I'm too scared to just hold it. I wake up at least every two hours, which I'm sure is just a mean way to prepare my body for needing to wake up with a new baby after she's born. Then one day I was getting exicted thinking about the baby and how fun it will be to see her face and hold her, when suddenly the heavens parted and I saw the answer to my frustrations: The Catheter. I have c-sections and thus get to have a catheter for the first 24 hours after delivery, that means no need to get up out of bed to take care of the problem, and ahhh, I'm so excited. Gross, I know, but the it is the truth. I am so excited!
Sweet Relief.

E's Big 8

2011-09-24T17:28:00.001-07:00

My biggest little boy turned the big eight! I can't believe that he is old enough to be this big.
We held his baptism on his birthday, and he was so excited I don't think he slept much the night before. He was also confirmed a member of the church and was given the gift of the Holy Ghost.

We also had his birthday party the same day which was a little much I think. Next time with M we'll have the party on a different day.
It was a lot of fun though, our home was filled with family and friends and it truly was a joyous day.
Seeing your baby get baptized is very emotional, I don't know how much of it has to do with hormones, but I got pretty choked up. I'm so proud of him to make such a grown up decision.
In the weeks leading up to the main event there were several moments when Lamaze breathing was needed; I was overwhelmed with wondering if he was truly ready, if he was as prepared as he could be to accept the responsibilities of being eight years old, if his father and I had done everything we could to teach him everything he needs to know, and it was very nerve wracking! But ultimately, I realized that Heavenly Father knows what He is doing when He says that eight is the age of accountability, and it's the small and simple things that lead to being prepared to enter the Kingdom, not the deep mind boggling mysteries of God, those don't need to be figured out now.
It was a day when my heart fully felt a shout of joy! Look at this face, I don't know that it gets much sweeter than that:

I Don't Understand

2011-09-19T17:01:00.003-07:00

Why does the crossing guard push the crosswalk button 18 times consecutively so the 'bee-beep' repeats over and over again? (This is not an exageration, I counted today).

Why don't maternity pants have pockets? Just because I'm rotund doesn't mean I couldn't use a handy place to stow my keys now and then.

Why do some car tire rims look like they're going backward when the wheels are really going forward?

Why do some flies come into my house and just fly around in circles? Couldn't they just do the same pointless activity outside?

Why is it acceptable to leave a shopping cart directly behind someone else's car, so they have to move it before they can leave the parking lot?

Why does bacon taste so good?

Why do little boy dimples melt my resolve?

Why do we still observe daylight savings?

Why am I always the one cleaning around the toilet when I am not the culprit of the messes? I make my target 100% of the time.

Why are there multiple 'Real House Wives of...' shows on TV, isn't one set of trashy rich people enough?

Why are my children so enamored of the Power Rangers?

Quirky Me

2011-08-23T11:59:00.002-07:00

Everyone has things that they are particular about that are a little bit quirky to others. Here are my quirks:

If I'm drinking soda from a can I will never finish the entire drink, however, if I pour the same amount of soda in a cup, I will probably drink the whole thing.

When making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I always spread the peanut butter first, then the jelly. The reasoning behind this: I will eat peanut butter in other situations and thus don't want my pb contaminated with the jelly, I rarely eat jelly in any other form than pb&j, so a little pb in the jar is not that big of a deal. Also, my ratio of pb to j is very high, I really love the stuff.

Everytime I drive through a small town (population less than 1,000) I think to myself 'Where do these people get their ice cream that they can bring it home before it melts?'

I can not stand blankets and pillows on the floor. Even if the floor is covered with other sundry items, the blanekts and pillows must be cleaned up first. Then the mess is much more manageable.

I prefer pencils over pens, I like the scratchy feeling that comes with a pencil as I write.

Three things I will not share with anyone, including my husband: cups, towels, and my sleeping pillow. They are the only things I'm territorial over.

Book of Mormon in 4 days

2011-08-13T10:02:00.004-07:00

Our ward Relief Society had a marathon Book of Mormon read two weekends ago, reading the book from start to finish, without reading the chapter headings, and had a certain time frame to complete a certain number of chapters. We met on Thursday night and read for 2 1/2 hours, then on Friday had a homework assigment to read certain chapters that took about an hour, then met Saturday from 7am to 8pm, then on Sunday from 3pm to 9pm then had a homework assignment that again took about an hour, and finally met on Tuesday evening from 6:30 to 8. Some men in the ward came and dressed up like Nephi, Jacob, Enos, King Benjamin, Captain Moroni, Helaman, Mormon, and Moroni. When they weren't reading we went around in a circle and each sister read 4 verses. We would stop periodically for meal breaks, but even while eating we were listening to the CD reading.
At first I wasn't going to participate, I figured that A had to work and I wouldn't be able to do it, with nobody to watch my kids. But eventually I decided to just 'do it'. But still each day for a few hours before it was time to leave I would convince myself that I wasn't going, but that little niggling feeling would get me out the door. And I must say that I don't regret doing it at all. Granted, Saturday was a huge challenge, 13 hours straight of reading, is a very long time, and by the time I went home it was very hard to see straight, literally.
I didn't attend on Sunday because A had to work, and unfortunately missed out on Alma 52-about Mormon chapter 3 or 4, which, sadly is some of the best parts. It was very interesting to read it straight through that way, I really felt the story, the humanness of the people who participated in the book.
Although I wouldn't necessarily categorize it as 'fun', it was definitely worth it.
On Tuesday night our RS. 2nd counselor, who was in charge, asked us to spend a few minutes after we finished the last chapter quietly thinking, then we would have a prayer and then a shout of joy for having finally finished. But when the last words were read and the room was silent, a powerful Spirit filled the space around us and it was very special, a prayer was said, and even after that no one wanted to talk; the 'shout for joy' wasn't needed, peace was enough. When I went to the car to drive home, the radio was on, and I had to turn it off, I didn't want that feeling to leave so soon.
The Book of Mormon is a powerful book. I already knew it was true, but boosts like this make me stop and recognize the Spirit whispering to me of it's truthfulness. To acknowledge to Heavenly Father that, yes, I felt you telling me, and yes, the Book of Mormon is inspired of God, and yes, Jesus is the Christ, and yes, Joseph Smith is a prophet, and yes, the Savior will come again, and so many other 'yeses'
It was hard work, but what a blessing!

Bits

2011-07-15T13:19:00.003-07:00

There is not much I like better than fresh garden tomatoes, sprinkled with a little salt = perfection (thanks to our new neighbors for sharing their bounty. We planted our tomatoes a little late, so right now we only have baby ones).

The weather has been so nice the last week, I am not excited about the heat wave coming next week, but we lived in AZ, I'll survive.

E got second place in his backstroke race on swim team a couple of weeks ago, this is the highest he's placed and we were very excited for him! While he's not a natural at swimming he does love it and has improved heaps since starting the swim team in April.

Have you tried Baskinn Robins Chocolate Toffee Crunch? Do so now... you won't regret your decision to take my advice.

Itching for a real vacation, A doesn't have any vacation slots this summer so we're hanging at home.

Just read a good book: Midwives by Chris Bohjalian, the title sounds like it would be l-a-m-e, but it was very good. Rated PG-13 though.

We bought a CA state parks pass this summer, which gets us day use of most state beaches and a lot of other parks that we are hoping to get to go see. Have to use it 6 more times before next July for it to pay for itself, but with above mentioned heat wave approaching I don't see that as an obstacle.

Trying to figure out a good way to teach M to stop spitting, possible solution: today gave a good drop of hot sauce on his tongue, hoping lesson sinks in. (He spits just randomly, everywhere, started it about a week ago, and has progressed to spitting at his brother when he's mad, unacceptable.)

E has stopped biting his fingernails, hooray! It was getting bad, he was gnawing them to bleeding. We instituted that if we caught him doing it he had to pay us $1. This boy loves his money, so losing it was an effective tool. He only ended up having to pay us $2 total, so I'm glad this was a quickly learned achievement.

The Car

2011-06-27T15:14:00.003-07:00

I guess I grew up in the olden days, but when I was but a lass we didn't use seat belts or booster seats. We all just kind of ran amok. And if there was a reason to perform a sudden stop, you could feel safe knowing that mom or dad would swiftly fling their right arm across the chest of the person who was riding in front with them; the rest of us?: well we had to just hold an on hope for the best.
I don't remember when we started using seat belts, not until my teens and it still pains my dad that he has to use his. Most of the time he will tuck the chest harness under one of his arms so he doesn't have it going across his chest (he's a super safety minded kind of guy, he also believes that airbags are a ruse by the government to get us blown up when in an accident since that is what propels the airbag: explosives).
There are six kids in my family and two parents; the Suburban that I grew up riding in had two bench seats which held 3 people each and a big expanse at the back that two of the remaining kids plus the family dog (usually) got to roam around in. When going on vacation my dad would put all of our luggage flat in the 'way' back and then put the mattress from our sofa bed on top and that was the luxury that the we rode in.
We didn't have air conditioning, FM radio, automatic windows or a DVD player. If it was an especially long car ride, mom would bring along a 'boom box' and we would listen to such gems as the 'My Turn on Earth' or 'Saturday's Warrior' soundtracks or the jamming tunes of the Carpenters or Barry Manilow (all of us singing at the tops of our voices). If you hadn't used the facilities to relieve yourself before the journey began, you'd better hope that your bladder had a 5 hour capacity since there was no way dad was stopping for minutiae such as that.
For the family trip we took to Yellowstone National Park (in August) when I was 11 years old my parents did splurge and dad 'tinted' the windows to cut down on some of the heat. When we were sick of Karen or Barry we would turn off the boom box and sing such classics as 'The Lord said to Noah there's gonna be a floody-floody...' (if you don't know that one, I'd be happy to sing it to you, it's a gem). Good times were had on that trip, rumbling along in that great big beast. (BTW, dad would stop on that trip for potty breaks, he wasn't a masochist).
It was pure bliss. With my rose-colored glasses I remember no pinching, pulling, yelling, fighting, I told you so's, stop touching me's, or proving that someone else is wrong. Just music, laughter, and the partaking of the ambrosia of a good old family car ride.
But for some reason if we were driving between our home in Northern Nevada and my grandparents home in the California Bay Area (about a 5 hour drive and we made this drive at least once every two months for most of my childhood), you could guarantee that about on hour outside of our destination, the radio was turned off and silence was mandatory from the six children as dad had 'had enough!'
So why is it that GUARANTEED in the 5 minutes that my kids are strapped down on the way to swimming lessons have I reached my 'I've had enough!' limit by minute 1.333? There are only two of them in the back seat plus we have a radio, air conditioning (with their very own vents pointing directly at them), automatic windows and for very long trips a DVD player. For some reason my kids find it impossible to keep their hands and their pestering to themselves for any length of time in the car. Maybe we ought to go seatbeltless and see if that improves the mood in the car? I doubt I'd really do it, but sometimes I fantasize about the nirvana that a car ride might be if everyone got to do their own thing and we weren't all so strapped down. We'd be 'on top of the world'.
Darn the safety consciousness of it all!

Cats

2011-06-17T14:29:00.002-07:00

I love, love, love cats. Right now we don't have one, but some day I plan to have a kitty again.
When I think of the phrase 'the cat's out of the bag' I imagine some poor kitty waiting, waiting to be let out and finally SPRINGING out of it's prison.
So I'm letting the cat out of the bag:

I'm pregnant! As of last Tuesday I'm 14 weeks along. I'm due December 13, but will have the baby early since I have c-sections. I've been postponing this post because I wanted to post a copy of our ultrasound pictures, since moving out though, we don't have a scanner to scan them into the computer.

I know it was a tricky-trick to play in my ending post about fertility. Please forgive me, I just wasn't ready at 2 weeks pregnant to let the world know. I have such a long time getting pregnant that when I finally do the stress of telling people right away and running the risk of a miscarriage is too much for me to handle. So I've always waited until the 3 month mark is over before telling anyone but immediate family.

We are super thrilled with this turn of events. The boys are really excited, although it is still a little cerebral for M. I think he understands about being a big brother but not fully. I'm not at all concerned about jealousy issues, he'll almost be 5 when the baby is born.

This is the sickest pregnancy I've had. And I am exceptionally sensitive to smells. In fact, the smell of my kitchen cabinets is sure to make me want to be sick. I am always really hungry which I don't remember from my 1st two pregnancies, and I am going to the bathroom A LOT (a tid-bit I hadn't forgotten about). The tiredness is lessening as I get further in, but I had a hard go of it for a few weeks.

Thank you all for your love and concern, I appreciate your support and friendship. It really does mean a lot to me, even if it sounds trite.

PS: It's a girl!

THINGS

2011-05-26T09:14:00.002-07:00

I never really thought of myself as a materialistic sort of person. But unpacking all of my THINGS really made me question that. I love my THINGS not because I feel more important because of them or the status that they appear to hold (believe me there is not much in this house that others would necessarily covet) but because they are MY things. Having lived with someone else THINGS, having to take care of THINGS I don't have any sentimental attachment too, has really made me appreciate the THINGS that I do have. It was like unpacking a few lost friends. THINGS I had missed greatly and THINGS I'd forgotten how much I loved them. Each THING that came out of the boxes brought a little sigh of relief that my life was coming back to me, that the THINGS that I have are just the right amount and that these THINGS represent who I am and how I take care of my family and the importance I place in making this home a happy comfortable place for us to grow in. I'm so happy to be surrounded by THINGS that make my most important PEOPLE happy.

You Have No Idea

2011-04-13T10:46:00.005-07:00

It's been almost 2 years since we moved from AZ to OC. We've been living with my parents-in-law that whole time, and while they are lovely people, use your imagination and you can probably guess how much fun it's been. Our intention never was to be here this long, but the move out date kept getting pushed back for various reasons.
About a year ago we started looking to buy a house but everytime it came up I just got a sick feeling and did not feel it was the right thing for our family at that time. Since we still own our house in AZ we decided to start looking for a place to rent after the school year got out. We were originally thinking that South OC was where we wanted to land. I have great friends here, plus we live only about 15 minutes from A's work, which is a huge benefit with gas prices being so high, and the school district we are in is an exceptional one, but rent in our zip code for a detached house (or even some townhomes), is pretty outrageous, I'd given up hope of finding something we could afford here.
A few weeks ago my friend Jodie told me there was a house around the corner from her that looked like the tenants were moving out and that I should check it out. I did, with very low hopes that it would be something we could afford. I talked to the landlord over the phone and he told me how much the rent was, I couldn't believe it! It was only slightly more than we were planning to spend! I thought we'd go see it the next week since A was working most of last week and I wasn't sure when we could go see it together. Then Jodie called and said that she'd looked at it and that it was great, there were other people there looking at it too and I had to go see it immediately (this was all before they'd officially started to advertise it, rentals go super quick here, mostly by word of mouth)! I went by myself and was totally in love. It was exactly what we were looking for. I told A about that night and he said that he wanted to go see it on Friday, so we did and he loved it too. We put in an application and they accepted us!

Hooray! We are finally moving out! The house should be ready by the end of next week, they are replacing the carpet, painting, and fixing up a few things. You have no idea how happy I am about this. There are only a small number of things I have been this excited about in a really long time. It was one of those things that just fell into our laps and worked so well that we knew it was the right decision. We have been hugely blessed, more than I can express.

I feel like squealing with glee!

Cycle V -- The End

2011-04-07T11:51:00.002-07:00

I've been laying awake for several nights composing two different posts, and this is the one that is being written.

I need to focus on other aspects of my life in blogging right now. The emotional stakes right now are too high to continue in posting about fertility.

I thought I could stick it out and told myself that I should, but I just can't.

I've learned a lot about positive thinking and about focusing on remembering that Heavenly Father is God and is more concerned about my family life than I often recognize. He places in our paths people and things and events that will contribute to our progression and is constantly mindful of our needs and wants (even when they aren't always the same).

I'm grateful today for the mercy He has shown me.

Magic

2011-03-23T10:37:00.004-07:00

I have always been hugely jealous of people who can write well. I am in awe of the way that they can make me feel something, to think about things in a new way, and inspire me to be a better person.
I love being able to read, I find it to be one of the great pleausres of my life and I am truly blessed to have been taught that love through my mother. I can remember when my dad was working nights that the three of us little kids would all pile on to her bed at night she would read to us.
Reading is a true joy.

For Christmas E was given the Lego Harry Potter Wii game. He loves, loves, loves playing Wii. The game had him asking questions about the Harry Potter story, and he wanted to watch the movie. I told him that books were better, that he couldn't watch the movie until he'd read the book.
He has always been very talented in reading but now he's been hit by Harry Potter's magic.
We started at about the beginning of February and are now on book 4: The Goblet of Fire. We read at least 1 chapter a day. He insists it's because he wants to get to the movie faster, but I think he's covering up his real motives. He is constantly asking questions, wanting to know why that happened, if this will ever happen, do we find out about this or that? He daydreams about it. He desperately wants to go the Universal Studios Harry Potter theme park in Florida. He doesn't even really love the movies because of the discrepancies with the books. He even would rather read the book than play the Wii game, and that, my friend, is a triumph!

This picture was taken when E was about 11 months old, and this was his favorite book at the time.

Reading is magical!

Cycle V -- Day 18

2011-03-22T10:34:00.000-07:00

I had an ultrasound to check if my follicles were still there, and all three were gone, meaning that I'd ovulated. We did the IUI, I took it easy yesterday hoping that might be helpful. Since I'd already ovulated I don't need to do another IUI. Now we just wait and see

Hallelujah!

2011-03-21T19:10:00.004-07:00

A big fat hug and thank you needs to go out to Lindsay!
She invited me to join her gourmet group, one of the thousands of things I've missed about Arizona.
Since the first time she mentioned that she belonged to a Gourmet Group I've just been waiting for someone to 'kick the bucket' and leave the group so there might be an opening for me, lucky for me it just so happened that it was Lindsay's sister-in-law who left, providing me an 'in' and someone who I couldn't be more excited to host with. Our month is June, already the wheels are turning, planning, thinking, drooling.
I had my first fabulous gourmet dinner in California last Tuesday night, and it reminded me just how so, so, so, much fun these events can be.
Hooray!

(This is a bit late, sorry, it doesn't mean I'm not totally excited about it).

Cycle V -- Day 17

2011-03-21T18:53:00.004-07:00

Went in for my ultrasound today, three follicles are ready. Had my hCG shot. We have an appointment for IUI tomorrow and will have another one on Wednesday.

Think implantation, people...

It's worked twice before, it can happen again.

Cycle V -- Day 3

2011-03-07T18:47:00.003-07:00

I went in for my baseline ultrasound today. Dr. M. and I talked and decided that we'll do IUI this month, and if I don't get pregnant this cycle that I'll need to start doing hMG shots next cycle. But in the meantime I start my Femara again tonight and go back for an ultrasound on day twelve.

Lessons learned:
1. Glazed doughnuts really do make the world a little bit brighter.
2. Don't blog about starting a new cycle on the first day.

Looking back my post seems a little dramatic, and while it is a true view of my heart on Saturday a few days have made a big difference. I'm still deeply disappointed and am not sure if I can talk about it in person without crying, but we'll see, I suppose.
It's hard because we all have a game plan for what we want the plays to be for our lives. But then a linebacker pops up. While not everyone deals with infertility there is always something; whether it be divorce, death of a loved one, an unexpected career change, any personal disaster and suddenly the playbook is altered and we find ourselves scrambling to figure out which way to run next; and then we think we see the touchdown on the horizon and the quarterback gets sacked. But I'm not at the 4th and 10, more like the 1st and 3-ish, and it's not quite the fourth quarter, more like half-time.

Cycle V -- Day 1

2011-03-05T19:01:00.000-07:00

I started my new cycle today. My brain says that I'm fine, that I can wait another month. But my heart isn't in agreement. I feel like a hot shower, a raised doughnut, and bed.

I'll talk about this in a few days, but not today.

Cycle IV -- Day 25

2011-02-28T16:44:00.000-07:00

Progesterone was at 18, anything over 10 is a sign of ovulation. I go in next Monday for a blood pregnancy test.
Here's hoping I don't start a new cycle...

Cycle IV -- Days 12, 14, 16 & 17

2011-02-23T13:41:00.003-07:00

I went last week on day 12 to check my follicles and there was no growth. I was extremely bummed, but they scheduled me to come back 2 days later to see if there was any change. I went in on day 14 and there were two that were getting close and 1 that didn't look like it would make it, but none of them were ready to be stimulated for ovulation so they scheduled me for day 16, I went back on day 16 and the one of the two bigger ones was ready, Dr. M. was not in the office and the LPN wanted me to wait one more day to see if the smaller of the two larger ones would grow as that would give me two mature eggs. I went back on day 17 and both of the larger ones were ready and the smaller 3rd was almost ready, so Dr. M. had me do the hCG injection since she didn't think the biggest one would last another day. A and I decided to not do IUI this cycle, just try things on our own. IUI is so stressful that I think I needed a break from it. So here I sit on day 20 waiting to see what happens. It would be awesome to get pregnant without the IUI procedure, but if it doesn't work out that way, we'll be back in next cycle. I go in next Monday which will be day 25 to have a progesterone blood test to be sure that I ovulated.

My last period lasted a very long time, usually I am 7 days even, but for some reason I went for almost 11. It was pretty disconcerting, but Dr. M. said it was nothing to worry about.

Both this time and last time after the hCG injection I had pretty severe cramping during the following 48 hours. I can only guess that it had to do with ovulation, but will have to ask Dr. M. My breasts have been pretty tender both this cycle and last cycle as well. Last cycle they stopped being so sensitive 3 or 4 days before I started my period.

I had A give me a priesthood blessing on Sunday night and I won't go in to details as I feel that blessing are very personal. Blessings are a tricky thing, sometimes you hear what you want, sometimes you don't, sometimes you hear something totally unexpected. All of the above happened for me this time. I am grateful for a wonderful husband who honors his priesthood and is worthy to act in the name of our Savior. It was a good experience and I feel peaceful about whatever the outcome of our fertility treatments may be. Putting my testimony out in such a public setting as this and expressing my confidence in what I feel lays in store for me is incredibly scary. I hope that I am able to not take the pressure too personally.

I don't tweet, but if I did, I would have for sure today

2011-02-16T19:45:00.003-07:00

I have a new BFF, her name is Rose, despite the language barrier this lady had me at hello, she is a massage therapist at Tracy Nails on the corner of B&T. Is it possible to love someone's hands as much as I loved this lady's? I'm being disloyal, I have a sister and two friends who are amazing MTs, but this lady is special. Oh the magic of that hour! A gave me a gift certificate for Christmas: $60 for a 1 hour pedicure and a 1 hour massage. If he had spent $560 I would not have felt cheated, that's how much I enjoyed Rose and her services. If I wasn't so selfish I'd tell her that she should be working for celebrities, but I think I'll keep her right here in the OC, thank you very much.

For $12.99 I got a pair of pj bottoms at Target and they are the most comfortable item of clothing I currently own, I just might go get 12 or 40 more pairs. They're the best under $13 investment I've made in several years.

I had my eyebrows threaded for the first time yesterday. It was an interesting experience, the brow part was less painful than waxing, but the lid part was way more painful than waxing, like a cross between waxing and plucking. The jury is still out as to whether I'll do it again, but I guess for $7, the deal can't be beat. Hollywood Eyebrows in the WM mall, upstairs outside of Target.

For Valentine's Day A and I went out to dinner at a Shabu Shabu restaraunt. This was my first experience with Shabu Shabu - similar to the Melting Pot, but without cheese. They bring you a pot of broth, and you cook your meat and veggies at the table. You could either eat it in a soup, or on a plate. They had two amazing sauces, one was a sesame sort of sauce and the other was a ponzu sauce (which I LOVED), and they had a paste that wasn't wasabi, but better, I have no idea what it was, but when mixed with soy sauce it was perfection. We were adventurous and it paid off. We then went to see Harry Potter 7 part I at the $3 theater and loved it, are a bit ashamed that we didn't see it earlier, but are glad that we finally did, it was excellent.

Went to a bodyworks class on Friday to an instructor that I hadn't been to before and she really kicked my hiney. My arms ached for days, will definitely go back. If you don't feel the burn then the workout was a failure, in my opinion.

Starting -- Cycle III -- Day 29 & Cycle IV Day 1

2011-02-05T13:35:00.003-07:00

The last 2 weeks have been very long weeks. Every twinge, cramp, ache, swollenness, pimple, emotional roller coaster and tiredness was put under cross-examination to determine if it were a symptom of pregnancy. Alas, none of them were.
A week after the IUI I went in for blood work to test my progesterone level to be sure that I ovulated. Anything over a 10 was good, I was at 35. I frankly wasn't surprised after all the cramping that I had after the shot, if I hadn't ovulated I would have been shocked.
I had to wait two weeks after the IUI before I had my blood pregnancy test. I spent the last 7 days searching my heart to see if it felt like I was pregnant, and I could never rest on thinking that I was. I told my body all week, 'Okay, if you're not pregnant, start a new cycle by Friday.' Friday morning I woke up clean, and my hope was rekindled. I went in for my blood work and asked the nurse if it was normal to not have any symptoms and she said it was. But by after lunch my new cycle had started. Dr. M. called later in the afternoon to confirm that that blood work was negative.
It wouldn't be honest of me to say that I am disappointed that I'm not pregnant, but I'm not devastated. I was extremely hopeful that it had worked.
I was not wild about being due on October 14 (which would have been the anniversary of my mom's death and very close to E's birthday), and I've taken a couple of months off from the gym and was hoping to get back in to my routine before getting pregnant, so there are some upsides to it not happening yet.
I have been proverbially counting my chickens though. I've been talking about things for after 'the baby' is born and buying the things that I know we'll need. My confidence in getting pregnant is not shaken, it's just not this month; it will be another month.
Every prayer that M says he asks to be blessed with a sister, a baby and a cat (always in that order) and he frequently tells people that mom doesn't have a baby in her belly, but will soon! Both boys are excited and hopeful and that gives me even more confidence because I know that children's prayers are sincere.

So the next step is start taking the Femara again on days 3-7 and go in for a baseline ultrasound on days 5 or 6.

Don't cry for me, I'm not yet.

Starting -- Cycle III -- Days 12 & 14

2011-01-20T15:54:00.005-07:00

I went in on Tuesday for my day 12 ultrasound, Dr. M. wasn't there so Dr. Anderson examined me. There was a follicle on each side but neither was ready so he had me make an appointment for today.
Day 14 proved much better. I went in for my ultrasound, there are now 3 viable follicles. I had my hCG shot and we will go in tomorrow for IUI, very early since A gets off of work at 6:30am. We might do an additional IUI on Saturday if the follicles are still there tomorrow. But tomorrow is the critical day.

Send fertile thoughts my way this weekend!

I have still been relatively stress free about this, but I am also starting to wonder how long we can afford to continue with the treatments. I hate to give Heavenly Father a deadline, but we don't have unlimited funds. I'm sure He knows all of that and I hope that my timeline is the same has His.

Different

2011-01-08T14:16:00.002-07:00

Growing up our family had a cat, her name was Taffy and she was the sweetest cat in the the world, truly and honestly. She was also a might huntress. She would always bring prey home, one time a small rabbit, another time a duck and managed to carry them up on top of the roof and drop them next to my parents bedroom window. When I was about 16 she had to wear The Cone. She got a bad cut on one of her shoulders and had to have it stitched up and then was sentenced to the cone so she wouldn't bite the stitches. She was so funny, at first when she would wake up the cone would scare her and she would try to back out of it; or if I put her down on my bed and the cone was facing down and she couldn't see what was on either side she would just sit there with her face stuck to the bed. It was pretty darn funny at the time.
In other non-fertility related news: I got glasses. I have been fighting it for years and have ignored my need to squint at things more than 70 feet away, but I gave in. I went in for my eye appointment and found out I have Astigmatism and need prescription glasses especially for driving. I was very glad to know that I don't have to wear them all the time. And now that I have them I can feel for poor Taffy. My peripheral vision with them on is blocked and it sucks not being able to see to the sides because of a blockage.
I don't love them.

Starting -- Cycle III -- Days 1 & 2

2011-01-08T14:02:00.003-07:00

Yesterday I started cycle 3 of this journey. I was due to go in for a blood pregnancy test and since my cycle started in the morning I called and cancelled my appointment. The nurse called back and said that they still wanted me to come in since there are some women who bleed in the first trimester, and since I'd had post-implantation bleeding with both pregnancies I thought there was a possibility that was what it had been. I went in for the test and a baseline ultrasound.
Bloodwork came back after lunch time. Negative. I was not overly surprised. I'd figured all week that I wasn't pregnant and have been very calm about it. After the hCG injections to stimulate ovulation on Christmas Eve there was only about 36 hours that A and I were together, so I was not confident in the effectiveness of our endeavors.
While it would have been a wonderful surprise to be pregnant, I am not stressed about it. I had a very tiny amount of hope that it had worked, but in my heart I knew I was not. My hope is not gone for the furture, I just knew it wasn't that month, soon, but not for cycle II.

I start taking two 2.5mg of Femara tomorrow and am continuing on the Metformin, which isn't giving me as many stomach problems. I go in for another ultrasound on day 12 or 13, depending on when I can schedule the appointment for.

Still feeling good!

Starting -- Cycle II -- Days 12 & 13

2010-12-24T11:07:00.005-07:00

Yesterday was day 12 and I went in for my regular ultrasound. I was very nervous going in since Metformin has never worked in the past for me so I was afraid that there wouldn't be any follicle growth. To my surprise there was an egg in each ovary! The one on the left was slightly bigger than the one on the right, but sure enough, two good ones. Dr. M. wanted me to go back in today for another ultrasound to see what the one on the right would do since this is my first ovulation cycle with her as my doctor. I went in this morning and the one on the right hadn't grown much but the one on the left was bugger and ready for the hCG shot to stimulate ovulation. So they administered the shot in the office. Tomorrow is Christmas so I won't go in for IUI, we'll be left to our own devices for the next few days. I'm going up to dad's on Sunday so I'll go back to the Dr. for a progesterone blood draw on Friday.

I have been contemplating the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego when they were thrown into the fiery furnace because they would not worship the king's idols. I love the verse in Daniel chapter 3:17&18 when they know that God can save them from the flames, but if he doesn't, their faith is still not shaken. They have been a huge example to me as I take on this endeavor.
I had a moment when I took a mental step back and looked at my family. I know that God can send our family another baby, but if He doesn't, my family is full the way it is. I love my boys, they are magnificent people and my life is very blessed.

Boys

2010-12-15T16:28:00.005-07:00

Things they do when they are excited:

E hops up and down on his tippy toes, straight up into the air.

M claps his hands 3 times in quick succession.

I don't think that either one of them is aware that they are doing it when they do. It's pretty darn cute.

E earned an award for Academic Acheivement in his first trimester of school. That means he got top grades in his class --he's a smarty -- that one.

M figured out how to ride his tricycle. For some reason he had a really hard time for a long time doing the pedals. Now his ambition in life is to ride down to the lightpole and back. He wears his helmet and a pair of riding gloves.

E CAN NOT wait for Santa to come. He changes his mind weekly as to what he wants the big guy to bring. It's hard for Santa to keep up and he hopes that this good little boy will not be too disappointed when he gets the thing that he wanted so desperately 2 months ago, instead of what he wants this week.

M on the other hand does not want Santa to come at all. He finds the jolly-old-elf completely terrifying and would rather forego the presents if it means running the risk of the bearded red one actually getting into the house. He has always had a deep seeded mistrust of men with facial hair.

Starting -- Cycle II -- Days 1, 2 & 3

2010-12-15T15:59:00.005-07:00

I started a new cycle on Sunday, which was totally unexpected since it would have only been day 16 of the first cycle. It was also the day that I finished my Femara pills. I wasn't sure if that was what was expected, so I called Dr. M. to ask. She called me back on Monday (one of my favorite things about this office is that the Dr. calls me directly, rather than through one of her nurses), she didn't have an answer why it would have happened, and had me go in for an ultrasound yesterday. She didn't see anything on the ultrasound that would explain why I'd started a new cycle, so she checked my estrogen and progesterone levels to see if I ovulated and we just missed it. She said that sometimes the Prevara can cause ovulation. She called me back in the afternoon to say that the blood works just looks like I started a new cycle. She was going to run a pregnancy test, she didn't think I was pregnant, but just to be sure...
She called me today to say that I for sure am not pregnant and to restart a Femara treatment cycle then to come see her on day 10 or 11. So I'll see her next Thursday or Friday.

I'm still feeling pretty unstressed on the whole. I was pretty concerned about starting a new cycle earlier than I anticipated, but not because I wasn't pregnant, only because it wasn't what I was expecting.

I appreciate every one's kind comments and your faith and prayers in behalf of my family.

The anger factor that I felt so prevalently in my previous fertility efforts is non existent. Before, I was so angry at people who seemed to have babies whenever they felt like and was certain that any ones concerns for me were not genuine. That because others couldn't understand my trials that their sympathy was pity. And I did not want anyone else's pity. While it's still true that others don't fully understand my personal trials, it's the same for me that I don't fully feel other's trials. Their love and concern for me are real and they really do hope and pray that my family will be blessed with more children. That just because it doesn't consume their thoughts and anxieties the way it does mine that overall, love is what they feel for me and the only service they can give on my behalf is to mourn, in their own way, my trials and exert their faith in sacrifice for my family.

Starting -- Cycle 1 -- Days 11 & 12

2010-12-08T22:50:00.002-07:00

Yesterday I had my Hystersalpingogram. I started taking antibiotics the day before the exam and are continuing them today. I'm not able to take the Metformin while taking the antibiotics, which has been a relief to my stomach. I went to the health center and had an x-ray done of my reproductive organs to see if there were any blockages or any other issues that would need to be addressed (other than the PCOS). They use a contrasting iodine based solution to make sure the organs show up on the x-ray. It was very interesting to see a real time shot of my uterus and fallopian tubes (I almost posted one of the pictures, but decided to spare the exceptionally personal stuff). It was also interesting to see the solutions spilling out of my tubes at the ovary end, into the abyss that is the cavity of my body surrounding them. Overall the experience wasn't terrible. It was about as uncomfortable as having a pelvic exam, not how I would choose to spend any free time I might have in the near future but not a dreaded ordeal either.
Today I had my 12 day appointment with Dr. Moayeri. She looked at the pictures of the x-rays, but didn't have the report from the health center yet, but she said that the pictures looked good, that my tubes look clear since you can see the solution exiting the opposite end of them, and the uterus looks like it filled up just the way it was supposed to. She also did an ultrasound of my ovaries to see if there are any eggs developing or that I ovulated since I've been on the Metformin, both answers were, 'No'. I wasn't expecting to have either of those happened based on my previous experiences with Metformin. I started taking the Femara today: two 2.5 mg tablets daily for 5 days. I'll have another doctor appointment in 10 days to see what effect that dosage may have. I told Dr. Moayeri about the Metformin giving me stomach problems and she suggested to take both tablets at dinnertime to see if that alleviates some of my discomforts.

It feels weird to not be stressing about this. While trying to get pregnant with my boys I had such a high level of anxiety that this not weirding-out feeling is kind of making me concerned. I feel I'm walking a fine line between trusting in Heavenly Father and relying too heavily on the arm of man. I am aware that I can't do this without His help, but maybe it's inappropriate for me to assume that He'll send me a baby just because I start seeing a doctor. I hope I'm not missing something here?

Starting -- Cycle 1

2010-11-29T16:50:00.003-07:00

Saturday was day 1 of my cycle (the mother of all cycles, believe me, was sure glad I wore black pants to a wedding over the weekend). I was surprised that it happened so fast since my last dose of Prevara was on Thursday, but glad that it's going.
I'm scheduled for my Hysterosalpingogram on day 11 with a Dr. appointment on day 12, so we'll see what happens there.
I'm thinking that the Metformin gives me problems when I don't take it on a full stomach (I guess toast and yogurt won't cut it for breakfast any more).

Overall my stress level (in this department that is, trust me, there are several stress departments in my brain), has been very low. I'm not sure if this is how people who don't struggle with infertility approach getting pregnant, as a matter-of-fact thing that will eventually happen. The feelings that I had before my last pregnancies of uncertainty are nonexistent. Maybe it's because I'm at the beginning stages, so many unknowns at this point: if the Metformin will work this time around or if I need to take the Avandia again (even with the risk of liver toxicity). How many cycles will it take to get pregnant, E was 1 cycle (but he was an anomaly, he needed to be here before mom died) and M was 4 cycles (more of an average). Maybe I'm still in preparatory stage where I haven't really grasped that pregnancy is just around the corner, it still seems a far off idea rather than a tangible change to our family.
I feel level, I feel calm, I feel good excitement.

Starting -- Part II

2010-11-19T13:39:00.004-07:00

My test results for my Infectious Diseases, Prenatal panel, Prolactin, TSH, Glucose and Insulin, Thyroid, and Kidney Function all came in on Wednesday, so I was given the clear to start taking the Metformin. I am taking two 750mg of extended release per day. I also am taking Prevara for 10 days to jump start my cycle. We could have waited until it happened on it's own, but not knowing when that might happen would only delay all of the rest of the procedures. The Metformin was rough on my stomach for the first 2 days but seems to be a little better today.
The next step is to wait for my cycle to start, call Dr. Moayeri, and make my appointment for the hysterosalpingogram for between days 9 and 12.
A still has to do his infectious disease screening, I'll try to have him do it next week. In the state of California, if there is going to be any IUI done, then the infectious disease screening is required by law.

It was pointed out to me that I should feel lucky for having a husband and child, other people don't have the opportunity to have what I have. Luck has nothing to do with this, I am blessed. I made the choice to date and fall in love with an honorable preisthood holder, and I am making the choice to ask Heavenly Father to expand my family. I didn't choose PCOS, but I am choosing to do everything I can to make my physical body prepared to receive yet another blessing. I'm doing my part and trusting in the Lord to do his part.

I am truly blessed.

Starting

2010-11-13T18:56:00.003-07:00

In the past I've been very private about our fertility efforts and this time I'm putting myself out there with this experience. I believe we are given trials for not only our benefit but also to bless the lives of others. Maybe someone out in the blog-o-sphere might take comfort in or learn something from my experiences, maybe the someone will be me.

On Wednesday, we had our first fertility appointment with Dr. Moayeri here in Orange County. She comes with glowing recommendations by two of my friends. She was very friendly and knowledgeable about PCOS. I already know the medications that work for me in my efforts of getting pregnant and she is open to picking up that treatment again instead of trying to put me back on the medications that I know do not help me at all. (Unless you count getting fat and crazy as effective).

She did let me know that since I do have PCOS I need to be sure to have my primary care physician test me for Diabetes, Thyroid disease, and Metabolic Syndrome at least every other year.

She ordered up my glucose screening and infectious disease blood work as well as checking my thyroid levels and my kidney functions because of my PKD as well and will check with my ob/gyn since I already had my lipids/cholesterol checked there at my last pap.

She was friendly with Adam and included him in the conversation, which is important as well.

Her nurse called me on Thursday to let me know that my pregnancy test was negative (as expected) and my thyroid levels were good. She also stressed that if I remember to do nothing else, it's to call their office on the first day of my cycle.

I had my blood drawn yesterday (8 vials full, it was a lot), and will call on Monday to see if my results are in.

Avandia the insulin resistance medication I've used with success in the past has been removed from the market because of liver toxicity and heart failure in some patients. I'll start my Metformin as soon as she gives me the clear. I'll go in for another visit in one month to check if I've ovulated, if not then they'll give me an injection to start a cycle, and begin my Femara then. I also will have a hysterosalpingogram between days 9 and 12 of my cycle to make sure that my tubes are nice and clear, which apparently can help move things along easier just by having that done, kind of a roto-rooter.

Last Saturday I called every temple in the continental US and Hawaii (not sure why I left our Alaska, I'll include them next time) to put my name and a friend who is going through a rough patch right now, on their prayer rolls. Standard procedure for all temples except for a few is names to remain on the rolls for two weeks. I figured the extra prayers would benefit our family.

I'm feeling very optimistic at this stage. It is time for our family to grow, and I know that blessings come when we do our part, and in the case of my family expanding I have to do everything I can on my end to prepare my body to support an egg, and thus a baby. I believe in miracles, both of my boys are miracles, and God has not ceased to be a God of miracles. One will come. I have faith.

Good Reason

2010-11-13T18:53:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was November 12.

I went to the beach at 2pm. Yes, yes, I did.

A good reason to pay the price of living in Orange County

Synonyms

2010-11-03T21:09:00.002-07:00

I'm looking for a synonym to express my feelings towards my brother Brian.

At the end of September he donated a kidney to my dad.

Here is what the thesaurus suggests for my feelings about this:

acknowledge, be grateful, be indebted, beobligated, be obliged, bless, bow down, givethanks, kiss*, praise, say thank you, showappreciation, show courtesy, show gratitude,smile on

For some reason none of these words quite grasps what my spirit feels. Without his sacrifice things would be hugely different for me. My mom lost her fight with cancer and my dad is the parent I have left. Without Brian I may not even have him.

To him it was something that just needed to be done. To me it means I have a spiritual guide for tough times, an example of faith, a rock of reason, a papa for my boys, a friend for my husband, a provider of comfort, an example of righteous priesthood, an easy place to land.

If I could find a word in the English language that means humbled, relieved, peaceful, inspired, indebted, I would say it. But I don't, and the offspring of all those emotions is the one that I feel.

Somehow, 'Thanks' just doesn't even brush the fringes of my expressions towards my dear friend Brian.

Candy Apples

2010-10-12T10:34:00.003-07:00

I had a great time making candy apples with my girls, Amy, Jodie, Lindsay, Jenny, Lori and Tiara.

Tiara is a great hostess and we had a super girls night while making yummy treats.

Seriously, getting harder to not get attached to this great part of Orange County.

Swirling

2010-09-24T18:56:00.004-07:00

Swirling through my head lately:

I have become a weather wimp. I went outside and got in the car, it registered 78 degrees. A little more than a year ago, 78 would have been truly arctic.

Several weeks ago M and I were watching So You Think You Can Dance, it was the Tahitian dance night. M was enraptured watching it, finally he said, 'Mom, look at her bum!', nothing but awe expressed in his tone.

I went out to frozen yogurt with my OC girls, it was totally bizarre to be the person in the group with the oldest children. Most of my girls are around my same age, but either started their families later or got married later than I did. It was a strange feeling.

I used to think that my mom was B-O-R-I-N-G when she watched Masterpiece Theater on PBS, but now I see her logic. Everything is better with a British accent (I'm surprised you didn't know that).

Sitting at the dinner table and heard this coming down the stairs from the bathroom: 'I did it! I went poop! It's coming out! My bum is dancing! Dancing! Dancing!'

M reading Hezekiah: 'And it came to pass that Boba Fett was a good guy.'

There are phrases that I thought I would ever say, and was positive that if I did say them, it wouldn't be more than once per day. One such phrase: Take your hands out of your pants.

There are two things are the horizon right now. A want and a need. The thing I want, I want it desperately, and the thing I need I also want, but not quite as desperately. They can't both happen at the same time. I think I know Heavenly Father's answer, but it's my need and does not have an immediate gratification factor. I'm frustrated. I sometimes feel like Jonah, running away from the lesson rather than doing what I'm asked and trusting the Lord. Why do I fight the things I'm supposed to be learning? Struggling against the currents and feel like I'm drowning along the way, instead of floating on my back with them and letting the lessons and oxygen come easily.

The songs, 'Where It's At?', by Beck, 'Last Goodbye', by Jeff Buckley, 'Kiss' by Prince and anything by George Michael, always make me want to sing and shake my booty, two of the things that I'm sure my fellow gym goers do not want me to do.

The thing I love most about my new to me car is that it looks expensive, but we got it for a steal! I am a girl who loves a bargain.

Happy 7th Birthday E!

2010-09-24T18:54:00.004-07:00

E turned 7 years old today! It feels so strange to know that on his NEXT birthday he will have the opportunity to get baptized.

He is growing so big, and I am so proud of the good person he is, for the good choices he makes, and the joy that he brings to our family.

Love this picture

2010-09-18T13:57:00.002-07:00

This is his daddy's boy through and through.

My Nephew

2010-09-18T13:47:00.004-07:00

My nephew Jacob (E's most favorite person in the wide-world) is an amazingly talented 8 year old. He is in a YouTube contest to win $100 and recognition from Jon Schmidt for playing the song Road Trip (by Jon Schmidt). He needs to get as many hits as possible to win. Check him out he is awesome!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vK4dOOUln4E.

Free

2010-09-06T12:05:00.003-07:00

Who said couponing wasn't worth it? I paid not one penny for the following:

Take that nay-sayers!

Big Boy Bed

2010-09-04T11:22:00.004-07:00

At 3 1/2 M finally got a big boy bed. He never climbed out of his bed and since there are no Gilbert babies joining us soon, we put it off for as long as our consciences allowed. But we finally decided now that he's potty trained he is probably ready for this next step. He has done really well, he's only fallen out 1 time and snuck downstairs after bed time 1 time. I have had to alarm clock train him because the new freedom has allowed him to get out of bed before 7am, which is an absolutely no-go for me. He has been great about waiting for the alarm to go off since I instituted that policy. My baby really is a big boy.

Jiu Jitsu

2010-09-04T11:16:00.005-07:00

E had his first Jiu Jitsu tournament 2 weeks ago. He did awesome! He took his opponent down pretty quickly and dominated the whole time, but in the end he got 4th place. We were so proud of him that he worked hard and didn't give up. The most important part was he had a great time and learned how to be a good sport.

First Day of School 2010

2010-09-02T15:36:00.003-07:00

Today was E's first day of first grade! He was so excited. About 3 weeks ago he told me that he missed school, he missed Andrew and lunch and recess and Science class.His new teacher is Miss Macdonald and lucky for him Andrew is in his class again this year!

Here's my handsome boy:

Big Bear 2010

2010-09-02T10:28:00.012-07:00

We took our first family destination trip this August. We went up to Big Bear for three days and had a super time. I found a house that was in Sugarloaf which is just outside of Big Bear Lake City. It cost $50/night with a $50 flat cleaning fee. It was perfect, a little bit in the woods, it had 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a living room and kitchen, so I was able to bring food for meals and not have to eat out for every meal. We did eat at the really yummy hamburger restaurant called Get the Burger, it's basically In-n-Out on steriods. Locally owned, and cash only. The owner actually made our milk shakes for us. It was worth the calories.

The first day we went to the Alpine Slide and went down it 3 times, we all loved it. It's a bit pricey and addicting, so it could be very expensive if you got out of control.

M isn't tall enough to go down by himself, but he still loved it.

The chair lift ride up was almost as fun as the slide itself. On the way up M and I saw that someone had lost a shoe, M said, "That's okay, Buzz Lightyear will save it."

It rained the first afternoon we were there but the boys had a great time playing in it anyway. It was very reminscent of the monsoon in AZ, reminded me of home, without the heat.

The second day we were there we took a little hike in the woods and M picked up some souvenirs. He has always loved rocks, specificially, throwing rocks. They were all effectively discarded by the time we got to the end of the trail. We saw probably 30 lizards all over the place on our little walk.

I know, white shorts, hiking? What was I thinking?

We went to the Moonridge Zoo. It's a tiny zoo, but well worth the admission price. They have 6 bears, a wolf pack, a snow leopard, and this mountain lion, as well as several other animals. M is being a mountain lion as well.

E's favorite animal was the bald eagle. You can't tell by the expression on his face but he loved looking at these birds.

We took the boys to a petting zoo/pony rides. Both boys were grinning ear to ear the entire time they were on the pony (named Tiger).

M shocked me that he actually pet the goats and pigs, I thought for sure he would run screaming, but we has super brave. (I'm holding the cup up high because there was one goat that was exceptionally tall and would snatch anything out of your hands if given the opportunity).

Our last day there we went up to the top of the ski slopes to do some exploring. E loves to climb rocks. When he takes a break from jiu jitsu we're going to put him in a rock climbing class. He is a pro.

11 Years

2010-08-07T13:12:00.003-07:00

11 Years ago I married my very favorite person in the wide world. I would do it again without question. I've been happier than ever, learned more than ever, and experience true joy being with him. He's pretty much perfect.

I love you A.

Concert in the Park

2010-08-07T13:06:00.004-07:00

On Thursdays in July at Mile Square Park they have concerts in the park. We don't go to them often, but when family was in town we want and had a great time.

Just Another Day At The Beach

2010-08-07T12:53:00.007-07:00

When A's aunt and uncle Jolena & Steve and their kids were in town, we went to the beach for a few hours, here are the picutres.

Adventure Playground

2010-08-07T11:45:00.009-07:00

E and I went with our friends the Orgill's to Adventure Playground in the Huntington Beach Central Park. It costs $3 per child and adults are free. They have a building area where you rent a hammer or saw and are able to build things. They boys did that for at least 45 minutes, it was way simple fun. They also had a mud waterslide, a rope bridge and a pond and raft area. It is a worth your while inexpensive way to spend a few ours during the summer.

E's face says it all.

Beach Days

2010-08-07T11:20:00.012-07:00

A's goal is to make sure our family goes to the beach once a week, we've pretty much hit the mark for the most part, and my legs are greatly tanned to proove it.

This pretty much sums up how M feels about the water:

A in his field worker hat, it provides great coverage and is exceptionally stylish to boot:

Summer 2010

2010-07-23T20:24:00.005-07:00

July is nearly over, I was astonished to see that my last post was clear back in May, I'm truly a blacker (that's blogging slacker, for those who need a translation).

E finished his first year of school, he is so ready to be a 1st grader, he can hardly wait. He told me earlier this week that he misses school: he misses recess, he misses lunch, he misses science time. He hasn't really had much time to be bored yet. We went up to my dad's for the 4th of July, spent a day at Lake Tahoe and watched the fire works. My brother and his family were there, and that means that E's most-favorite-person-in-the-whole-wide-world was there. His cousin Jacob and him have a love that transcends cousinhood. I think they would never tire of each other. We went to Grover's Hot Springs swam in the hot and cold pools, fed a squirrel gold fish crackers and apples, took a hike (upon M's insistence), were eaten my mosquitoes, and had delicious ice cream. We went to the shooting range and the boys got to shoot guns. Jacob introduced E to pinball on grandpa's computer. Jacob came home with us and spent 5 days, we went to the park and played croquet, went to the beach and tide pools, and they went to Nickel Nickel, a super arcade. The spent hours upon hours of laughing and entertaining each other. When reading our daily scriptures in the Old Testament they read about the King of Tyre. They could not stop laughing at the hilarity of that title. Parting was bitter, E asks everyday when we are going to see Jacob again, and is not satisfied with the October date on the calendar slotted for our next Jacob sighting.

By the way Jacob loves On-Star and subsequently has convinced my children that all people should love it just as all encompassingly. When I say that Jacob loves On-Star, you don't quite get the fullness of that love. He really-really-really is passionate about that most amazing of services. He was very pleased with A and me for having not one but two vehicles which are On-Star capable.

Last Tuesday one of MY very favorite people was in town. My very good friend Erika was here from Tuscon spending a week at the beach and I was so happy to go down to San Clemente to spend the day with her. She has a daughter, Bree, who is E's age. When E and Bree were 2 and 3 years old they were peas and carrots. I thought for sure when I told E that we were going to the beach to see Bree he wouldn't remember her. But he knew who I was talking about. It took them a while to re-warm up, but they had a great time.

The waves at the beach that day were crazy. A went out swimming and a lifeguard had to go save him. Well, I exaggerate. The lifeguard just went after him to tell him that if he didn't have fins on he shouldn't go more than waist deep since the currents were too strong. It was just very funny to see the lifeguard running out there with his little red buoy to 'save' my extra strong swimmer husband, I had a great chuckle about it. He was not at all even close to drowning.

M is potty training this week, and is doing really well, has had one accident on the carpet and on the grass outside. I don't really think the grass was an accident, it was a deliberate move from that boy. But I'm very proud of him (not for the grass part but the rest of the achievements) and very excited to not have to buy diapers anymore. He is a very funny kid and makes me laugh frequently.

I am doing well, I had my 33rd birthday last week and went for pedicures with my girls Jodie, Kim, and Lindsay, then out to eat a yummy lunch at La Creperie where Lori, Mindy and Tiara joined up with us. We had a great time, I need more girls days. A had to work that day so it was very nice to have them there supporting me. When we moved to this ward I was determined to not get attached to anyone since this living arrangement is temporary, but these girls make it awfully hard to not be attached. I am now the Activities Committe chairman in our ward. I've had this calling before and I'm just being honest when I tell you that it is not my favorite calling. We live in a ward that is very tradition oriented and I hate ruffling feathers, but also see that changes are needed, so I have to take them on. The last time I had this calling I made some enemies, I'm hoping it doesn't happen again. I'm getting antsy for something lately, I can't put my finger on what that something is, but I've got the itches for it whatever it may be. I am doing well and am happy to report that the discomfort I was feeling a few months ago are mostly subsided. My relationship with E is exponentially better than it was and I am beyond grateful for the healing influence of the Spirit in my life. Time and patience really were the cure (as much as I HATE the 'P' word, it does work.... drat.... when will I ever learn that lesson?).

A bought a surfboard and has been putting it to good use. It was his present to himself for moving from one phase of his probationary work to the second and easier phase. He is a hard worker and amazing husband, I think he's pretty great.

There is so much more in this brain of mine...

Playing Hookie

2010-05-10T20:54:00.006-07:00

Last Wednesday my friend Gina told me about a great deal that I couldn't pass up. We could get in to Sea World San Diego for $5.75 per person!

I could hardly believe it, but it was true. I don't know the reasons why but apparently if you had a group field trip that day that was the cost. So I called E in absent to his Kindergarten class and we spent the day in sunny SD! We had a great time. They have a fantastic play area that the kids didn't want to leave, lots of rides and plenty of animals to see (of course). Since we were with Gina and her family it made it even that much better to share it with friends. Do I regret taking my son out of school for the day? For $5.75 per person? I don't think so my friend.
Enjoy the pics:

Girl Trip 2010

2010-05-07T12:42:00.004-07:00

My sisters, Melanie and Emily and my sister-in-law Erica and I took a 3 night cruise down to Ensenada, Mexico a couple of weekends ago. We had a great time! Lots of laughter, making a new friend, Joseph, the elevator boy, avoiding the Wang Sisters, eating, eating, and eating.
Our first day we had a fitness evaluation, I learned the my body was 'highly toxic', but since I don't drink coffee, alcohol, smoke, or take drugs, I would hate to know what the level above 'highly' might be (they were just trying to sell us stuff). On Saturday, our 'Fun Day at Sea' we learned country line dancing, played family feud, and saw whales. On Sunday in Ensenada we took a tour and learned how to make authentic Mexican food, then did a little shopping for all kinds of Mexican stuff.

At night we headed to the Kaoroke lounge and sang a long with the people who were brave enough to actually get on stage, alas, they ended the open Mike right as we were getting our courage up to go.
The trip was the perfect length, just enough time to still enjoy each other and not long enough to get very homesick.
I missed Ruth, Stefanie, Mallory, and Jodi who were not able to make it. We're thinking a spa retreat for our next girls trip, probably in 2012.
Good Times!

My Very Favorite Fishbein

2010-04-28T18:53:00.002-07:00

I have a Fishbein and she is my very favorite one.

I have known my favorite Fishbein for more than 23 years, longer than anyone besides my siblings and parents. She is my friend who no matter the length of time we pick back up as if there hasn't been a lapse at all. There is a special camaraderie that is born from having that much of a history that can't be duplicated. It's even more special than a 'best' friend relationship, think Diana Barry and Anne Shirley. I am grateful that I can always be a little bit more affectionate with her than with most other friends and it isn't weird at all.

While life has given me the easier road most of the time (I say that not out of haughtiness, but of simple truth), I am grateful that she is able to offer advice on very tender matters from her experiences. While her trials are not easy for her, they have assuaged my sadness to a manageable state. I am grateful to her for that.

If you don't know my Fishbein, you should be sad you don't because she is special. I think she is awesome and one of my most admired heroes.

Thank you, my Fishbein.

3

2010-04-28T18:14:00.003-07:00

Happy Birthday M!

You are 3 today, and I am so happy to be your mom. You have an infectious smile, you love to make me laugh. You are persistant, smart, funny, hugable, energetic, and tough. Thank you for picking me as your mother. I am content with you in my family, and grateful that you have stayed my baby for so long. Your dad adores you and your brother is your forever best friend.

I love you.

Grateful

2010-04-09T22:36:00.003-07:00

Today I am feeling grateful for:

Feeling the wind on bare toes.

The regenerative properties of skin.

A fantastic park 1 block from the beach where kids can play for hours non-stop.

Wood puzzles + a two-year-old.

Questions answered through dreams.

Cuddle time with a 6-year-old.

Croquet and tag.

Random

2010-03-27T14:57:00.003-07:00

I love climbing in to bed when the sheets are cold, it feels so clean and refreshing.

Dinner prayer with M:
"Mom, you say it. Mom, say 'Heavenly Father'"
A breif pause by mom.
M, "Ready, set, go".
I couldn't help it, I just put my head down on my arms and laughed for a long time, not the best reverence example out there, but it was great.

E, A, M, Matt and Roger when camping last night. This morning E tripped near the fire and fell into the coals. He's got 2nd degree burns on both palms and most of his fingers. Went to urgent care today and they said he might have to see a burn specialist. He wishes it had never happened. But he is enjoying being waited on my his mom.

If you haven't tried the Yummy Lemonade Chicken posted in my recipe blog (thank you to Jackie for giving me the recipe), you absolutely must do it as soon as possible.

Our garden is doing great. So far we've harvested spinach. We can't wait to eat our strawberries, cucumber, eggplant, zucchini, butternut squash, radishes, carrots, lettuce, bell peppers, potatoes, tomatoes, corn, broccoli, artichoke, chives, onions, garlic, peas, watermelon, honeydew, cantalope, and lots and lots of herbs.

I can't wait for my cruise with my favorite girls in the world, only 27 more days!

I am grateful for Allegra.

I had a dream about kittens, it was wonderful.

I have to step up my workouts, I think I've hit a plateau, now I gotta give it a little more juice.

A's work schedule for April is a good one, lots of good days off, Sunday is the one I am especially glad about, it's no fun to go to church alone.

Scissors that aren't sharp are not worth much.

THAT mom

2010-03-04T12:28:00.006-07:00

Maybe it was the head cold compounded by allergies.

Maybe it was the fact that it is an 'El Nino Year'.

Maybe it was that I was hungry.

Maybe it was the hormones that come with certain female occurances.

Maybe it was that I need new shoes.

Maybe it was the sight of my six-year-old son being pinned by a four-year-old girl and not being able to get out that made my vision tunnel and me shout across the mat: "Get out and flip her over!"

Yes, friend, I have become THAT mom.

I have never categorized myself as a competitive person, but we've signed E up for Jui Jitsu classes, and quite honestly, it's painful to watch my non-agressive child underneath a little girl. Picture a girl in pig tails sitting on top of him, biting her fingenails, waving to her friends, putting as little effort into the activity as possible.

Don't get me wrong, it's not the fact that she is a girl that turned my periforal vision black, and my voice to boom so that every other parent in the room stopped their conversation with the neighbors and their heads to whip around and look at THAT mom.

Apparently I am that mom who gets in a coach's face when her T-baller is called out when he was obviously safe, apparently I am that mom who insists that her pee-wee footballer be the starting QB, apparently I am that mom who loses control when her she sees 4-7 year old wrestling matches going unfavorably in her son's direction.

I mean honestly, it's just a wrestling match between a Kindergartner and a Pre-Schooler, breathe, Alicia, breathe.

Sigh...

2010-02-17T12:53:00.003-07:00

Now I miss Arizona even more!

It was so fun to visit my friends. I knew I missed them, but not how much I miss them until I saw them again. I need to make visiting there a regular practice, there were so many people that I didn't get to spend much time with, I hope that next time I'll be able to stay longer and visit.

My house is being well kept by our renters, so that makes me happy, but it was very weird to be standing in MY house and not my house. I was sure I would cry, but I didn't.

Sigh...

Cute and Easy

2010-02-11T16:02:00.004-07:00

I can't take all the credit for these, I saw them in a magazine and when E said he wanted to make his own Valentines I thought these would be perfect. They were super easy, and all the kids at school like them. The original has the wrapper off, but I figured when handing them out at school, for sanitary purposes it was best to leave the wrapper on. All in all, I was dreading making Valentines but these changed my mind. I had E cut out the hearts, we had some that were red and some that were pink, I'm sure it would have been even cuter with Valentine themed scrap paper. I punched a hole in the narrow end of the hearts, layered three hearts together to make the flower shape and taped them together, lining up the holes. Poked a hole in the tape and pushed the lolipop through. They were super simple!

Thoughts on a Tuesday Afternoon

2010-02-09T15:47:00.004-07:00

I came down from a nap yesterday and this is what I found on the counter:

What a sweet boy I have!

I go to the gym and there is a lady who gravity has not been kind too, she really needs to start showering with the shower curtain closed.

I'm excited to go to Phoenix this weekend, but also nervous about seeing my house. My homesickness has been high lately, and I think I'm going to be sad to see my house, which I love, with someone else living in it.

I need new shoes, perhaps on the way back from Phoenix we'll stop at the outlet stores in Cabazon and get me some.

We met our financial goal for the month of January, that makes me very happy.

I need to start cutting out heart shapes for E's school Valentines, but I can think of a few other things that I would rather do.

Poor M, I took him to get new shoes, he'd been wearing a size 7, when they measured his feet they said he needs an 8 1/2! He never complained when I put his shoes on him, I didn't know they were that bad off.

Sprouts finally opened in my neighborhood! I am so excited to have this store close by. Opening day was a madhouse, but people were courteous and friendly, which made the craziness tolerable.

Before and After

2010-01-16T16:45:00.005-07:00

Before I was a mom:

I cursed those who used the carpool lane with just themselves and one in a car seat as their '2 persons per vehicle'.

I swore my children would never eat a happy meal.

People who didn't put pants on their children and just let them run around in a diaper were 'white trash'.

I would never let my kids watch TV.

I thought hot dogs were an unacceptable lunch option.

After I was a mom:

Did you know that you can drive all the way to Disneyland in the carpool lane from my house?

M really wants to go to 'Mickey-donalds'.

When you live in Phoenix, sometimes pants are just too dang hot.

I enjoy using the restroom without someone standing there watching me, the TV is great at keeping little peepers out of the bathroom.

E loves Hebrew National Hot Dogs.

Anyone else lower their standards since becoming a mom?

2009 Wrap-Up

2009-12-31T15:11:00.009-07:00

On this last day of 2009 I just thought I'd post some of the wind-up items that need to be addressed:

While I don't have any real profound insights into the gradual healing that is happening in my heart right now, I can tell you that it is happening. And not by any power of my own. My heart, while not totally where I would like to be, it feels (quite literally) softer, there is not as much chaos in my emotions. The burden is definitely being shared at this point, and I am very grateful to my Savior for taking the reigns on this one. It isn't happening overnight but as soon as I placed it on His shoulders the struggle became less profound. I have a long way to go yet, but the hill isn't as steep, and I'm coming to the crest of the summit much quicker than I anticipated.

Something big is waiting to happen in my life, I don't know what it is, but Satan has been doing his all to prevent me from getting there. I've got to win this one.

I was PROFOUNDLY moved while reading Mormon 8 verses 1-13 my loneliness is minuscule compared to the grief that Moroni endured, and he bore it bravely and with complete confidence in the Lord, his faith was not shaken, and his love for the Lord was made sure. I have my amazing husband, E and M, my friends and my family, I am not nearly as alone as he was. The end to my trial is in sight, where he had to persevere through his for the rest of his life on earth, which made his blessings that much sweeter when he received them, as mine will be likewise.

I appreciate all of your kind thoughts and suggestions, there are so many great examples of righteous mothers out there, I am humbled by your confidence in my abilities and am eternally grateful for your prayers, they have assuredly been felt.

Onward:

A's 2009-

A is a faithful priesthood holder who has put his pride on the back burner more often that he would have liked to this year. He listened to the Spirit telling him how best to provide for his family, took a huge leap of faith and totally overhauled his career path, doing what we all knew he was born to do and doing it well. He graduated #1 in the class above 17 other people, receiving 4 of the 7 awards for top marks in different categories in his class and received huge compliments and praises from his instructors and was asked to come back to teach for the classes that will come behind him. I am very grateful to the Lord for sending me a husband who is exactly right for me, is always helpful and supportive, even tempered and strong, funny and wise, faithful and honest, brave and trusting, confident and gentle -- Amazing. He is a Sunbeam teacher in our ward.

E's 2009-

E's 6th year on this earth was full of change. He now lives with 5 adults who all love him completely. He lives in California and can spend 300 days of the year outside in perfect weather. He started Kindergarten, is in the top reading group of his class, got his first report card and did perfectly in all but 2 categories that he will work on. He lost his first 2 teeth, learned how to ride a bike, is old enough to be out of the booster seat in the car, is a champion Wii player, awesome reader, funny story teller, can make friends anywhere he goes, loves to write books (I wonder where he got that from?), loves to play with his brother, loves to be right, loves to help with chores, loves to go camping, hunting, hiking, and to Disneyland (he is tall enough for all but 1 of the rides, he's even brave enough for the Haunted Mansion, but not quite brave enough for Indiana Jones), he has become concerned with looking 'cool' by making sure his hair is always styled (as styled as his stick-straight blonder than blond hair can be). He weighs: 53 lbs and is 48" tall, his favorite person is Jacob. Best quote of the year: There are too many to choose from, but off the top of my head, see the post about Past Tense. He wants to be a bounty hunter when he grows up.

M's 2009-

M's 2nd full year on this earth was also full of change, he too lives with 5 adults who love him completely. He lives in California and can spend 300 days of the year outside in perfect weather. He loves his class at church, loves to play at the day-care at the gym, loves Sis, the dog (will play outside by himself for hours if she's there with him), can talk up a storm (you are very talented if you understand the entire storm), loves to ride bikes with his dad and brother, can hit a baseball most of the time, became very brave at swimming lessons, is tiny but tough and fast, loves to cook and clean, hates to eat (cuts out of playtime), loves to wrestle, is running when he's going, loves Disneyland, but not the rides, is as big as his brother (if you ask him). He weighs 29 lbs and is 36" tall, his best friend is Brooklyn. Best quote of the year: while helping me make cookies and looking up at me from the stool: Mom! Your nose!
Me: What's wrong with my nose?
Mn: There are spiders in there!
He wants to shoot monsters when he grows up.

I made goals for my body and met them by the end of the year, and now have set new ones to work for by the end of March. The financial goals that we set fell just short of completion, but will be met by the end of January. We have set new ones for 2010 and will hunker down to achieve them. I have also set personal goals for my spiritual growth and they are coming along.

It has been a year of change and of blessings, for that we are grateful.

We look foward to what is to come.

Christmas 2009

2009-12-31T14:56:00.003-07:00

I don't have the pictures to post right now, those will come later. Our Christmas was a good one this year. The boys and I went up to visit with my family in the Bay Area for a few days before Christmas. The boys had a super-great time playing with their cousins Dallin and Bailey. And I had a very good visit with my sister, brother, sister-in-law, dad, cousin and her husband. It was a fast trip, but worth the time it took to get there. I think M made my dad's day, my dad got there after they'd gone to bed on Wednesday night and when M got up in the morning and saw him, he yelled 'Papa!' and jumped into his arms. He loves his grandpa (he's got good taste, he's a pretty great guy, if I do say so). We went bowling as is the Reed family tradition, but since we were driving home on Christmas Eve (which is when the festivities usually begin) we went on Wednesday. I can't say it was terribly fun, there were a lot of people there 4 kids, and 4 adults in our party, it was a bit chaotic. I got to have food from Bancheros Restaurant, an Italian restaurant that is legendary in our family, it brought back good feelings from my childhood.
We drove home on Christmas Eve, just in time for Santa to find us and drop off his goods.
E's Christmas was mostly Star Wars and Legos and Star Wars Legos, so he was in hog heaven.
M's Christmas was mostly Batman and vehicles, he got a super-sweet as big as his torso helicopter and as soon as he saw that, Christmas was over, he took it for a spin in the playroom and wasn't seen for several minutes afterwards. He loves it.
My Christmas was clothes (I always love new clothes) and a few kitchen items that I have been eyeballing for a while, I can't wait to use them to make something delicious.
A's Christmas was mostly stuff for work, and a few things for hunting/camping (work accessories are pretty costly).
A had to work Christmas Eve and Christmas night, which was a little bit of a bummer, but he got home in time for present unwrapping and breakfast then had Christmas dinner with us before he had to head out again.
It was a good day, worth all the time and money put in to it, to see how much my boys loved their loot.
Hopefully each of you had a very Merry Christmas as well.

Baby Steps

2009-12-03T21:54:00.004-07:00

I made a list today of the goals that I had to help my day go more smoothly. And I'm happy to report that I met almost all of them.

Hopefully by keeping track of the good days the bad days won't seem so overwhelming. Focusing on the baby steps will lead to an overall improvement.

The loneliness that was so encompassing a few weeks ago is starting to clear out, and I'm able to see a more positive horizon. While I'm still working on getting meaning out of scripture study, at least I've been able to follow through on my commitment to actually read a little every day. Yesterday I was reading in Alma 60 and the phrase "...be up and doing..." in verse 24 really stuck out to me. I may be starting over with baby steps, but at least if I plug along and am up and doing things will work for the better.

I love my children, but do all kids bicker endlessly? Don't they realize that by antagonizing each other they are ultimately antagonizing me, and that makes for a mean-mom? How do I take that 3 second pause to think through the frustration before I react? I used to know how, but somehow I've lost that one. I did better today, I made sure to praise good behavior, but I still need to figure out a strategy for implementing a 3 second think before react rule. When they play together it's a great thing, they play together swimmingly, but when they bicker it is soooooo frustrating. E loves to do things that will make M screech and M will screech just to get E to stop doing things. They were made for each other, they are not brothers by accident, they're good for each other, but they are also maddening.
In Alma 50 verses 21 & 22 we see that it was the quarrelings and contentions of the people of Nephi which ultimately brought their own destructions. The success of this family depends on if we can stick together, if we can be happy together, I am responsible for my own thoughts of contention towards my children, and it is up to me that I change that so that we can all be exalted together.
I am not by nature a mean person. I am a caring person, I am a thoughtful person, I am a trusting person, how do I return to my nature?

I'm working on humility. I recognize that my heart is harder than it should be, I can't make it over on my own, this is beyond my capabilities. I've been knocked down a few pegs and I need help to reach my goal.

Baby Steps.

Past Tense

2009-11-14T22:49:00.004-07:00

We went to the Nature Center today with the boys, saw lots of animals, and walked the little trail with the boys. E even held a snake all by himself, M (and mom) wanted nothing-whatever to do with that business.
Tonight when E was telling his grandparents what the animals were doing he said:
And the squirrel just douched all over the place!
A: What's douching?
E: You know the past tense of dash.

Gotta love it!

Not Sure -- not a light post, be warned

2009-11-12T23:09:00.004-07:00

Well, I'm not sure what the outcome of this post will be. I've been putting it off, and mentally composing it for several weeks, so I'm not totally sure the direction I'm going to head in, let the words works their magic, I suppose.
Mostly I need to know if I'm alone in my feelings here?
I am a mother.
I feel like the worlds worst mother sometimes (a lot of sometimes). And I'm not exagerating, or fishing for compliments, or reassurances, I just need to know if I am the only one who feels this way. I love my children 100%, but like them about 70% of the time. I feel like most of my day is eaten up in correction and not in gentle, loving guidance.
There was a time when I wasn't sure if I would have any children, and miraculously, I was blessed with E who has such an enormous spirit that I'm surprised it fits in his body. He is a GREAT kid! He is funny, kind, obedient, smart, respectful, honest, caring, hard working, senstive, but no one can make me as livid as E can.
Then there was a time when I wasn't sure if I would have two children, and miraculously I was blessed with M who is one of the most determined people I know. He was definitely prepared in heaven for the challenges of these last days. He is smart, funny, energetic, determined, happy, loving, goofy, but no one can frustrate me like M does.
I begged Heavenly Father to send me these people, and I promised Him that I would do everything I could to return them to Him. I'm afraid I'm falling short.
I don't know how on earth I deserve to be the mortal custodians of these amazing leaders of Zion. I'm not kind enough, I'm not gentle enough, I'm not nurturing enough, I'm not loving enough, in short, I'm not good enough.
I feel these two huge spirits and am afraid instead of lifting them up and helping them to direct those spirits into greatness that I'm crushing them, ruining the basic purity of who they are.
Why don't I laugh enough with them? I want them to remember a happy childhood, not a grumpy mom.
How do I take a step back and just appreciate them for who they are, and not let the frustration of the moment overwhelm the joy?
I was once promised that I would have joy in my children. So far 'joy' is not the word I would pick for my feelings. The more appropriate sensation is just-making-it-to-the-end-of-the-day-without-sending-someone-to-their-room-or-to-the-corner.
We were thinking of trying to have another baby in the next few months but every time I considered the idea of getting pregnant, I just dreaded the idea. It's not that I don't want more children, it's that I don't want more children, I know that is contradictory, but I just don't know how I would handle another one when I don't appreciate that ones I've got. We've put the fertility treatments on the back burner until I can figure out how to be confident in my abilities to raise these boys and feel like I deserve having someone else in our family.
When I was a teenager I had two friends that everytime I felt like they needed me too much I would stop being their friend and move on to another friend to cling to. Miraculously they forgave me and we have great relationships now, and the hard feelings are resolved. It kills me today to think of how awful I treated them. But I'm afraid I'm doing that to my kids. They need me too much, so I'm pushing them away and trying to find the...something, I don't know what.

The other non-light thought that needs to be resolved is my feeling of being spiritually alone. I've done it to myself. I'm being lazy in my testimony building. But it's a funk I don't know how to shake, I do know how, but I haven't processed the kick that I need to get back into the swing of things. Maybe I need to prove that I want it enough to work at it. It's the little things that are the hardest right now. Getting on my knees everyday, reading my scriptures everyday, feeling grateful. And honestly, having confidence that Heavenly Father loves me.

Rationally I know these thoughts are useless and I know the logic behind the fact that He loves me. But I think of those things and I hear those things from other people and they trail in to: blah, blah, blah.

It's a hard feeling to describe, it's not that I feel that I'm not loved, it's that I feel like I've given up on myself. I'm not good enough to make it to the Celestial Kingdom, so why am I wasting my time? If I died today I wouldn't be exaulted, but my wheels are spinning because I'm not doing the kind of things I need to do to change that.

I have a testimony, I know the church is true, I know the Savior loves me, but I don't FEEL it. I feel alone.

And those are the thoughts that have been stewing for quite a while, maybe just having them out there will help resolve them. Hopefully anyway.

Gummy

2009-10-24T14:11:00.003-07:00

E lost his first two teeth! They were the first two that came in when he was a baby too. The first one popped out last night when he was eating pizza at his school's Fall Family Fun Night. He got $1 from the toothfairy. The other one fell out today when he was eating an apple.

Pretty exciting times around here!

Procrastination

2009-10-23T13:20:00.003-07:00

I'm not sure why I've been putting off an update. Everyday I think to myself that I'd better get back on the blog-wagon and post the goings on in our family. Yet everyday I miss the wagon by being busy-busy-busy, then having to go to bed.
A is due to graduate from the school that he is going to one week from today, so I am super excited about that. He starts his new job right after that, and is very ready to get going. I'm very proud of him, his evaluations have been nothing but positive and even the training staff say he's an ideal choice for this position, which is great because they don't hand out compliments very freely.
I'm staying busy with the boys. I'm E's Kindergarten classroom mom. I've been going to the gym at least three days a week, trying to reach a certain goal by Christmas.
E is doing fantastic in Kindergarten, his best friend is Andrew, they have a great time together. He's managed to stay on 'green' (good behavior) every day except for one when he got on 'yellow' for meowing when he'd been asked not to. He's got his first loose teeth. One of them is ready any second now and the other is still working on it. He is an excellent reader and writer. He turned six last month (I failed to post anything about that, not my best performance). He loves to ride his two wheel bike, build legos, play Wii, and anything that has to do with Star Wars. He is funny, kind, smart, handsome, friendly, obedient, loving, eager to learn, good to be around.
M is as busy as ever. He loves playing with grandma and grandpa's dog Sis. He loves going to the gym to play with kids. He talks up a storm (those of you who know E probably aren't terribly surprised since my kids have the chatter gene). I can understand 89% of what he says. He's desperately trying to give up mid-day naps, and I am desperately trying to see that he doesn't win this particular battle. He is a rascal, he is funny, he is energetic, he is loving, he is enthusiastic, he is determined, he is adorable.
As for our living situation, it is surprisingly fine. I was hugely worried about it, and while it's not perfect, it is working out very well. We have a financial goal and living here is helping us reach that goal much more quickly than if we were on our own. It has also been very beneficial while A has been so busy with school to have extra support and hands assisting me with my kids.
I don't love our new ward yet, but I'm working on it. I am currently serving as a Sunday School teacher for the 14&15 years olds and A is a Sunbeam teacher. We frequent Disneyland, since my in-laws were so generous and bought us season passes. We have been there about 10 times since we moved here.
I miss Arizona. Every time I see the desert landscape on TV I feel homesick. I do miss the desert, it really grew on me, and I even found it quite lovely. The heat, well, I could do without it, (you can't beat Orange County weather) but I miss Arizona. I miss my house, I miss my friends, I miss Gourmet Group, I miss being close to family, I miss my ward, I miss my neighbors, I miss the Mormon-ness, I miss the familiarity. I was happy there. I am now a member of the club of the millions of people who love living in Arizona.
California will be good too.

Makings of a good wife according to E

2009-09-09T13:21:00.002-07:00

She has to be good at putting the baby to bed.

She has to be good at giving the baby it's pacifier when the baby is being a 'fussy bucket'.

She has to be a good milker.

First Day of School September 3, 2009

2009-09-09T13:12:00.008-07:00

I'm a little late on the uptake here, but E had his first day of Kindergarten! He was very excited to make friends and go to school. He was especially excited about reccess.

Here are some pics of my big boy:

Mason wanted a backpack too. M was the only one who cried when E had to leave, I think they love eachother...

Suggestions

2009-08-17T14:25:00.002-07:00

I'm teaching a class for Home Family and Personal Enrichment night in a few weeks. My subject is how to tighten our purse strings. I've got several ideas brewing, but could use the expertise from several of your frugal people out there. Any tips on how to save money on things from groceries to clothing to well.. just about anything. Also if you have any inexpensive meal ideas, that would be great too!

For Jodi

2009-08-01T13:46:00.010-07:00

Part of this post is for Jodi, who made me sware on my life that my kids would be beach goers. I had not followed up on this promise until last Saturday. It's a shame really, we are rediculously close and I have been a slacker. I'm not sure who follows surfing news, but the weekend that we chose to go, the waves were enormous! The pictures do not do it justice. The beach patrol kept driving past telling us we were putting our lives at risk if we went in to the water more than knee deep, they'd had over 200 (I think thats right, if not totally accurate, very close thereto) rescues the day before. M had no problem following their advice, he isn't much for water. A on the other hand couldn't keep himself out. E was okay to not be too deep in the water, but if conditions had been more agreeable he would have been boogie boarding.

E is riding a bike with no training wheels! Hooray for E! I know it's a little later than average, but he figured it out in about 3 minutes, so I'm sure he was ready a while ago and I just never got on top of it. We owe thanks to uncle Matthew for being the motivator.

E can't wait to ride bikes with his cousins.

Carson City

2009-07-09T13:54:00.021-07:00

The boys and I went up to my dad's house in Carson City for about 10 days, to see him, my sister Emily and brother Brent. My sister-in-law Erica came in from Texas with my nephew Dallin, and neice Bailey, and my grandma went up from the Bay Area, my brother Brian came up for the weekend (married to Erica). My aunt, Maryjo, rents a cabin at Lake Tahoe every summer, so we went to the beach for the 4th of July. The boys had an amazing time playing with their cousin and basking in being loved by my dad and grandma. We went to Virginia City and rode the train, visited my good friends Tammie and Becky, walked the Lake Tahoe Nature Trail, played at the park, ate 7 lbs of chocolate cake and 6.5 lbs. of apple pie over the course of 5 days between 5 people, went to dollar scoop Tuesdays at Baskin Robbins, chased Steve the cat, enjoyed fireworks, visited our old ward from when we lived there, E went to the movies with dad and grandma. The boys spent every evening playing outside until bedtime (most of the time clothing was optional for M and Dallin) and eating popsicles, chasing the dog, squirting her with a squirt guns (hooray for the $1 store!), playing water-balloon toss, running through sprinklers. It was everything summer is supposed to be for little boys. It was so nice to be with my sister and sister-in-law, we laughed and laughed and ate lots of 'sensible' pieces of pie, I taught them the joy of pazookie and So-You-Think-You-Can-Dance. It was a perfect vacation, much needed. My dad's health is not great anymore, he's had to go on dialysis, so it is important to to me be sure my boys have as many good memories with him as possible, and I think I accomplished that with this trip. Here are lots and lots of pictures.

These two pics are to show how being outside playing with boys for long periods of time gently morph one into The Lord of the Flies, the one below show a small sprig of grass adorning the crown.

Ahh, summer perfection.

E's Funny

2009-06-16T19:17:00.004-07:00

In the car during the move from Arizona:
E: There are lots of snakes in the jungle, so if you go to the jungle you need a sword. Or a mongoose. Mom, don't you wish that a sword had a scope?
Me: I don't know that I've ever thought about it.
E: Why not?
Me: I don't know, it's just not something that I'd ever really wish for. It's a perfectly good wish, but just not something I'd wish for.
E: If a sword had a scope you could see right where you were going to cut, and then Ching! (his noise for swordplay).

At Last

2009-06-16T19:03:00.003-07:00

Mostly a journaling post, probably won't be too exciting, just for my personal remembrances.

Our family is back together again! The boys and I made our move to Orange County 2 Saturdays ago. I owe a huge thank you to my friends the Whitmores and the Thorsons for letting me load all of our stuff up in their trucks and for driving all the way out here with me, I have champion friends! Also a huge thank you to Steve Faller, he brought about 15 Scouts over to my house to help load up the trucks. They had everything out of the house in about an hour and a half. From the ward were also the Andersons, Brothers Hale, Lund, Wallace, Poulsen, Kartchner, and Barnes and from the Stake Brother Higginbotham.
It is such a relief to be back with my sweetie, and have the boysback with their hero. Even though he is still hugely busy with training, it makes the days so much smoother to have him around when he is home.
We are still living out of boxes, which makes for a lot of personal frustration, just because I don't know where all of my stuff is, which is one of my pet peeves. I have misplaced a box that has all of our credit card statements, medical information, bank info and our rental lease contract, so I'm stressing about that, I'm going to have to fast tomorrow for help finding it, because I just can't relax about it.
Our renters are in and I'm praying that they turn out to be good tenants, they seem pretty on the ball about things, so here's the proverbial knock on wood.
The weather has been so wonderful that my boys are able to go outside and play for several hours at a time. We've made one trip to Disneyland, our in-laws bought us season passes, so we're able to go almost any time we want. E loves it, M isn't terribly sure yet.
Our ward seems pretty good, a nice mix of families at different stages. So hopefully we'll find our niche.
I do miss Arizona, despite the heat I was very happy there. I loved the layout of my house and have such amazing friends that it was very sad to leave.
Upward and Onward.

E's Funny

2009-06-02T18:29:00.003-07:00

E is a sucker for infomercials. He wants to buy anything you can direct from the TV. I got the best laugh I've had in a long time when watching one with him. I hear him mumble: "But you'll double it!"

Later that day he's doing push-ups and he explains to me:
"Sometimes when I'm doing push-ups my arms shake, it's because they're scared, but they'll get over it."

Updates

2009-05-28T14:48:00.003-07:00

So much has happened in such a short period of time that it seems like nothing is new, however, I'm sure that something I'm about to mention will be new to some of you. This post feels a bit scattered to me, because I feel a bit scattered lately, so bear with me on this one.

E learned to whistle over the weekend, lucky me!

M has shown an interest in sitting on the potty, he has successfully hit his target one time.

5 Mondays ago A was offered and accepted a new job in Orange County, CA. My sister-in-law, Jodi, swears that A was created to perform this job, just look at him! For those of you who know the specifics about what this job is, please don't mention it in any of your comments, such as title, specific place, etc. Since then he has been living with his parents doing training, and working very hard. Meanwhile, I have been here in SoPhx with the boys, packing up our house, listing it for rent, screening applicants and generally losing my mind.
The move creates varied emotions for me. We have been hugely happy living in Arizona and would have probably stayed here for the rest of our lives had the economy not taken a ride on the porcelain express, and threatened our ability to provide food for our children, with A's previous job being directly related to the building industry. I have amazing friends here, a great ward, am involved in so many different clubs/groups, I love my house. But there are several things I will definitely not miss (look for a later post about the things I've learned living here).
We really feel like we have been guided by the Spirit to make this huge change and are trusting that we are doing what we have been prompted to do. A was raised in Orange County and it is where we met, fell in love, and married; so we have both always wanted to move back there, but never foresaw that it would be possible. The schools and opportunities of the area where we are moving are amazing for our children.

Having lived for almost a month without my husband has been a real challenge. I have no idea how single mothers survive and am even more astounded that anyone would choose this lifestyle, it is not pretty, and is clearly not what I'd signed up for. I've been hugely blessed by an extra measure of the Spirit in our home, have received enormous amounts of help from friends, and have only suffered one crying melt-down. But it is still really, really tough. There is a reason why Heavenly Father says there needs to be a mom and a dad. For those mothers out there who have lost their husbands through circumstances beyond their control, my hat goes off to you, I don't know how you manage everyday.
E has been amazingly well behaved, and has really strived towards obedience and has tried extra hard to help out. He is truly a blessing. He has deeply felt the absence of his father, but always looks forward to talking to him before bed and has even read him a story over the phone to help A go to bed. But by about 7pm every night I am completely done with the constant barrage of non-sensical noise that emanates from him. A 7:30 bedtime has been a real sanity saver for me. I am proud of myself, however, that I manage to keep a cool head and allow him to chatter at me to his hearts content, and respond in a positive manner.
M, on the other hand, would probably be an only child had he been my first born. Our first Sunday without dad saw me with a positive outlook about how the day would go: we were up early, the boys were both fed, bathed, and fully dressed, and I was minutes away from being ready, applying my make-up and we'd make it to church nice and early. I hear E yell: "OH MY GOSH!" So I go running out to the living room to see what is going on: M (fully clothed) is sitting on the bathroom sink, has it plugged up, water running out of the sink, onto the floor (at least 2/3 of an inch) and is soaking wet.
Fast forward two weeks. I'm showered, getting ready for a night out with my friends Jackie and Deidre, go walking back in to my bedroom, that's odd, I hear water running. M is fully clothed, in my bathtub with 3 inches of water and every diaper I had just purchased enjoying a little swim.
Moral of these stories is the old Arizona adage: watch your kids around water.
Seriously, I'm pretty sure that E was never this naughty. It's a good thing that M is cute because he'd be looking for a new place to live at this point, if he weren't.

There are exciting times ahead, and I can't wait to be reunited with my sweety! I will keep you all posted about what happens from here.

Mmmmm

2009-05-21T14:09:00.002-07:00

I made a sandwich today and was a little disappointed. We don't have any pickles in the house and since we're moving soon, I hate to buy any at this point. I started thinking of all the food that I enjoy, no, am passionate about:
Pickles (Claussen, you can only find them in the refrigerated section, and they're a little more expensive than other brands, but they stay crisp and delicious)
Olives -- Any variety
Bacon
Tomatoes from my dad's garden
Avocados
Nectarines
Watermelon
Crusty sour-dough bread (it has to be true sour-dough bread or I won't waste my time)
Brownies
Cheesecake
Pesto Pizza
Oranges
Mango (not mushy, still a little bit on the un-ripe side)

I don't think life would be worth living if I couldn't have any of the above ever again. Hooray for SuperMarkets!

What are the foods that you could eat everyday and probably never get tired of?

Holla

2009-05-14T13:56:00.003-07:00

For all you young mothers our there, I took one for the team today:

I was out getting lunch with my 2-year-old and the little boy I babysit after my son's Dr. appointment. I was ordering the food and the boys were behind me. M was tapping on the glass at the people outside and I hear a lady behind me say "He's banging on the glass!" So I turn around to see what is going on and this lady who is obviously past her child-baring years is giving me the dirtiest look I've seen in a long time.
My heart started pounding and the blood rushed to my face. I picked M up and looked at her and said, "If you've ever had kids of your own, please do not give me a dirty look," I turned around and walked away.
Whether you agree with my actions or not: It was hugely satisfying, and hopefully this bitter woman will think twice about giving one of you the evil eye when your children are behaving less than stellar.

Coupons

2009-05-06T16:19:00.002-07:00

You know you're a coupon-a-holic when you're children are playing and one says to the other:

"Would you like some water? It's free with a coupon!"

Wonderland

2009-04-29T17:11:00.016-07:00

I belong to a Dinner Group with 12 other ladies who live in my neighborhood. Two people pair up and once per year we host a dinner. We go all out with invitations, place settings, menus, etc. It is one of my favorite nights out. On April 18th, my amazing partner, Jennifer, and I hosted an evening with 'The Critters of Wonderland'. Our original idea was a mad-hatter tea-party, but it morphed into a full dinner, and it was so easy, I couldn't have been more pleased. Of course we couldn't have done it without her amazing husband, Brent, who helped us by making 48 boxes, set up, clean up, plating, technical effects, and moral support, big kudos to my friend Brent!

Here are the pictures and the recipes we used.

Our menu was:

The Ladybug and Butterfly

The Caterpillar

The Cheshire Cat

The Doormouse and Turtle Tea

At her front entrance we propped a mirror next to the doorbell, and this sign:

The sign reads: Step through the looking glass and Ring the Bell to take a trip down the Rabbit Hole!

We hung up a plastic black tablecloth at the end of the hallway and used red flashing lights to create the "Rabbit Hole"

We had her son dress up as the White Rabbit (it took a bit of 'promises' to encourage this activity), he answered the door and was supposed to say "I'm late for a very important date!" and run down the hall, but I think most of the time it ended up as a conversation about how the rabbit hole scared him.

For Appetizers we did Ladybug Appetizers and Butterfly Cheese Sandwiches

Using the boxes that Brent made we stamped a label to put on top of each box that read "Eat Me". We removed the labels from bottle of sparkling juices, and stamped a label that read "Drink Me". We refrigerated these and set them up on the appetizer table next to the food.

These crazy teapots were 50% off at Hobby Lobby, and they were just too perfect to pass up!

Jennifer bought some adorable colored paper lanterns and Brent hung them up with some out door lights around her gazebo. We also used them and some perfect butterflies and dollar store pink and yellow placemats for the place settings. We made Mango Lemonade, Kiwi Limeade, and Blackberry Lemonade and put them in these beautiful curvy carafes that Jennifer had as part of centerpiece.

Each person was given a menu card with a colored dot, representing the color of a lantern. next to the name of each course. Between courses Brent piped to the outside speakers the sound of the Mad Hatter yelling: "Clean Cup, Clean Cup, Move Down!" from the Disney movie. Everyone had to get up between courses and move to the colored dot shown on their card.

Our salad course was The Caterpillar. We took mixed baby greens, melon balls, carrot slivers, and Mint Dressing for Fruit

To the dressing we did add some honey since the vinegar was a bit overwhelming, salt and pepper, and substituted parsley for the cilantro because we have parsley in one of the other courses.

The Cheshire Cat was our main course. We used Greek Pork Loin, Greek Browned Butter Pasta, steamed baby squashes, pita bread toasted with olive oil, herbs and Parmesan cheese. We arranged the pasta in the shape of a cat with a tail, used the pork loin as the face, which was resting on pieces of pita for the ears, green olives for the eyes, a kalamata olive for the nose and extra pasta for the whiskers.

We pan seared the pork before putting it in the slow cooker and let it rest for several minutes so that it would slice up easier without falling apart.

For dessert we had the Doormouse and Turtle Tea

We used Carrot Souffle cut in a round to look like cheddar cheese. I was really unsure of the idea of carrot souffle but Jennifer made it for me a few weeks before the party and it really is tasty. It had a strawberry dipped in white chocolate and painted on eyes, nose, and feet. Brent was a master at plating it with fruit, caramel, and some delicious cinnamon whipped cream that he made himself. I didn't get a picture of the turtle tea, but we used Mascarpone Brioche Sandwiches with Chocolate Soup as the Tea, we drizzled it with caramel and sprinkled it with pecans to make the 'turtle' part. Jennifer was really unsure of the idea of chocolate soup but I made it for her a few weeks before the party and it was a hit. We made the chocolate soup the night before then just stored it in the refrigerator and put it in a crock pot the day of the dinner to get it warmed through.

We approached the evening with a modest budget, and a really relaxed perspective and I think it turned out perfectly. Everything was just as I'd hoped for and there wasn't a huge amount of rushing around last minute. We actually had the opportunity to sit with our friends and enjoy the dinner. And everyone said that we served food that they would make again, so it was a big success as far as I was concerned.

I love Gourmet Group!

Random Monday

2009-04-20T15:38:00.004-07:00

I turned the air-conditioner on for the first time in 2009 yesterday, glad I did, it's warm out there.

We had a garage sale over the weekend. It's amazing the junk people will buy if it's cheap enough.

Reading Isaiah is like reading poetry: sometimes you come across something that is a literary feast, but other times it's just confusing.

We've had visitors for almost 11 days straight, I'm ready for things to get back to normal.

An evening in Wonderland turned out exactly as I'd envisioned. I kept a clear head this time and a positive attitude about it, and it went so smoothly, I couldn't have been more pleased.

I'm grateful for the oranges that Suzette gave us with produce co-op this weekend, and especially grateful to Deirdre for letting me use her juicer, we'll be having a super yummy treat tomorrow for breakfast.

I really need to clean my house, that's at the top of my list of goals this week.

Only 24 more days until I get my travel fix. Going on a cruise with my favorite girls in the whole world!

I rented the whole series of "My So Called Life", a great blast from the past, I feel like calling Erika, who I haven't spoken to in about 11 years, she would get a good laugh from knowing I'm watching it again.

My other Erica and I are determined to go to the Galapagos Islands with Alex Trebek. (Don't laugh at my dream).

I'm ready to stop waiting for change.

Outrageous Brownies from Barefoot Contessa = $11.60 per 20.8 oz box at AJ's still waiting to see if they're worth it. But the house smelled AWESOME while they were baking.

It Just Makes Sense

2009-03-27T14:08:00.002-07:00

2 Nephi 2 is on my list of favorite chapters in the Book of Mormon. Lehi explains the Plan of Salvation so perfectly: It Just Makes Sense.
Also one of my top ten favorite scriptures is in this chapter: 2 Nephi 2:30, it voices my sentiments about the way I teach my children and the reasons I teach them about the gospel. I'm sure parents everywhere can echo his words in this verse. -- Love it!

Here a Little, and There a Little 1 Nephi Chapter 11

2009-03-06T15:13:00.003-07:00

The concept of line upon line, precept upon precept has been reaffirmed to me again today. When the Spirit of the Lord Nephi if he understood the mission of the Savior his reply in verse 17 reads: "And I said until him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things."
Even Nephi, a spiritual giant had to learn little by little.
He started our first knowing that God loved him, and from there his knowledge was taken to unimaginable heights. By knowing just that very basic principle so many other things can be unfolded to our minds.
First: Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ -- The rest after that comes as we are ready for it.

What Time is It? 1 Nephi Chapter 10

2009-03-05T14:34:00.005-07:00

In today's reading I thought about the children of Israel, how they wandered in the desert for 40+ years, how they were carried captive in to Babylon and how they have been scattered over the earth.
Verse 3 reads: "That after...the own due time of the Lord, they should return again...and possess again the land of their inheritance."
I think about my own trials and experience that I'm gaining; I know they only end or become fully understood after the due time of the Lord. And I think that I probably echo the sentiments of the house of Israel in asking periodically: OK Lord, what time is it exactly? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I'm done with this one... (sigh)... Only to wait it out just a bit more.
I was also thinking about a testimony that I heard in church on Sunday from Brother Johnson where he stated that the church is so true that we are asked to gain a testimony of our very own. I really like that! Even the great prophet Nephi practiced this. In verse 17 we learn that after his father had prophesied regarding the house of Israel and the coming of the Messiah, Nephi was desirous to know by the Spirit if what his father said was true, so he took it to the Lord to find out for himself. Based on several years of reading the scriptures, I know what comes next chapter, so I can tell you that the Spirit confirms all that his father had told him. What a huge blessing it is to have that ability. To have a member of the Godhead come and tell you stuff, personally, without having to rely on the word of others. I can know for myself. I DO know for myself! What a special blessing!

I need to digress just a moment to clarify my thoughts/intent of my last post.

My point of Sam v. Nephi is not to suggest that emulating Nephi is not a valuable idea. He is an amazing person and had tremendous faith, he even saw the Son of God, which I haven't since I've been on the earth, so it goes to show that his experiences working towards salvation are at a rate that are vastly different than mine. I'm sure the reason we have the books that he wrote are because he is such an amazing individual, and the lessons we learn from his wisdom are vital to salvation, or they would not have been included in the scriptures. My point is this: Nephi's best is different than the best that is expected from me. We are not required to complete the exact same tasks in mortality. He was called as a prophet of God, I have been called as a Mother in Zion in the dispensation of the fullness of time. I don't know what Sam's calling was during his life, but I know based on the scriptures cited yesterday that he fulfilled that calling to his utmost, or he would not have been saved. I love the great prophet Nephi, he is a huge example of a true believer and I want to be like him, but I always felt like Sam got the shaft in the whole experience because he wasn't a prophet, therefore, since I'm not exactly like Nephi, I am just not worth noting. But this is not true. Sam was saved, just like Nephi was. They each did their best and the Savior made up the rest. I'm doing my best and the Savior will make up the rest.

Being Sam?

2009-03-04T13:38:00.004-07:00

I used to write the things I'd learned while studying my scriptures in a journal and I ran out of pages. I've used not having anywhere to write thoughts down as an excuse for not being as diligent in my study as I need to be for a few weeks, but then seeing Amberly's post regarding integrity helped give me the boost to recommit to being better at studying the gospel. Since I have no paper, I'll record my thoughts here.
Several years ago I heard a talk in sacrament meeting about asking if I was a Nephi or if I was a Sam. The gist of the talk (I might get it wrong since it was a long time ago, but what I remember it being) was that Sam was the elder brother, but since Nephi was the prophet it appears that Sam was not measuring up to his responsibilities and they therefore fell to his younger sibling. And the question was posed: are we living our lives as Sam, not equal to our potential, or are we striving to be like Nephi.
I have struggled with this concept. Mostly because I feel my own inadequacies cause me to fall in the category of a Sam. And feeling that Nephi-hood is a bit unattainable, and therefore I am falling far from perfection. But I don't want to be a Sam and not live the noteworthy life of a Nephi.
This morning I was reading in 1 Nephi 8:3 and Lehi says:
"And behold, because of the thing which I have seen, I have reason to rejoice in the Lord because of Nephi and also of SAM; for I have reason to suppose that they, and many of their seed, will be saved."
This statement coupled with the fact that God is no respecter of persons suddenly clicked together to liken themselves to my own life. I don't have to be a Nephi; being an Alicia is just fine. And if I find in Sam a kindred spirit, what's the harm in that? Sam partook of the fruit, just like Nephi, and remained faithful, even if he wasn't a leader. He was a disciple, and will be saved. I have partaken of the fruit and am working at remaining faithful. Heavenly Father doesn't expect me to be Nephi, or Sam for that matter.

The other thing that I learned today, might be of particular interest to my friend who told me yesterday that she was asked if Laman and Lemuel ever had a testimony. My gut reaction was yes they had, but they just didn't care enough to do what was right. But read here, friend, and you'll see that they never did.

Chances Are

2009-03-03T10:52:00.002-07:00

If the tape deck in your car won't play tapes. (Yes we had a tape deck, a CD player too, though, I'm not that out of the tech-loop).
If the clock keeps resetting itself, even when the car is turned off.
If a 1-year-old battery dies.
If an 8-day-old battery dies.
Chances Are you have $.11 in your tape deck.
Resulting in no more tape deck, but a big gapping hole that is waiting for a new radio to be installed when our neighbor recovers from back surgery he just had....

Feeling Let Down

2009-02-10T12:16:00.003-07:00

A couple of years ago I wrote a post about my woes with the postal system here in the sunny ghetto, and this morning I went to the mailbox and discovered that one of my letters had been delivered to the wrong address and opened. Apparently, when the opener discovered that it was not a letter for them, they wrote a note to the post office and put it back in the mail. My glee at learning that I won a $5 gift card was quickly replaced with disgust when I found that while they were nice enough to forward my winning letter to me, they decided, however, to keep the gift card.
It's not a huge loss since I didn't pay for the giftcard, and it only had $5 on it. But the point is, it was MINE not theirs. Why didn't they just keep the whole letter rather than sending me it on to me incomplete? I would have been none-the-wiser. Instead, I'm feeling sad at the dishonesty of my neighbors (no one in particular, since I have no proof of who actually took the giftcard).
Sigh...

My E is Funny

2009-02-06T13:20:00.002-07:00

At dinner last night:
E: "We don't play very much at school."
Me: "You do sometimes."
E: "You're not allowed to do Karate in class."

Valentine's Day

2009-02-03T15:03:00.001-07:00

I know some of you (Kenise) go all out with making Valentine's Day special for your family. I would like to start this tradition. Can anyone suggest ways that might help me make this day fun for them?

What my kids do now

2009-02-03T14:54:00.007-07:00

One day I was asking E what he had for lunch at school, he said, 'chicken la-la's'. I asked him what those were, he said, 'You know the things with cheese and sauce'. I left it at that. Later that night he asked me what we were having for dinner, I told him, 'Enchiladas'. He said, 'Chicken la-la's?'
They both love to streak through the house as naked as jay-birds after their baths.
E can do a front flip on the trampoline.
M can say:
Daddy
Doggy
Momma
What?
Ball
Football
Basketball
Goal! (Must be stated at full volume)
Ta-da
Uh-Oh
Shoes
Batman
Rocks
Wall-E
Eve
Elmo
Bubbles
Aw Man!
Boo
Poop (Thank you Grant)
Down/Out -- Not sure which, he uses it interchangably for what he wants to accomplish
He makes the following animal impressions:
Horse
Dog
Cat
Duck
E can read/sound out most things.
M finds no greater joy than stealing someone elses water cup and running away with it.
E loves to shake his bootie.
M has a low-dance-threshold, will dance to anything with a decent beat.
E likes to help me cook.
M loves to throw rocks into the street.
E was laying on the ground pretending to be a statue, he made wind and whispered 'The passing gas statue'.

Gratitude

2009-01-26T14:30:00.003-07:00

My blessings:

A healthy body that is functioning properly
A cold freezer
The sprinkler system fixing itself
Car battery warranties
Sleeping babies
Options
Employment
My own personal Captain Moroni

Sliced Ham

2009-01-19T15:16:00.006-07:00

When it comes to oldness, I would never describe myself as being on either of the far ends of that scale. However, I was at the grocery store recently and I had one of those surreal moments of being slapped in the face with all of my 31 years of living. It was a simple thing really: I was at the deli counter buying sliced ham and the lady asked me if the thickness was okay or if I wanted it to be thinner. My brain jumped out of my head, looked at the situation and said: "Why is she asking me this?" It turned around and noticed that there was no one behind me with more wisdom about the appropriate girth of cold cuts and wondered: "How on earth am I old enough to be deciding on the thickness of deli meat?" I know, I know you are all saying: What's the big deal, it's just ham! But when I think of myself as still being in the wee years of adulthood to be faced with such a crucial decision was a little daunting.
One of my dear friends was telling me how her little daughter often asks her to play house with her and how in her brain she replies to her little cherub: I am playing house. Every day.
I say a fat 'Amen' to that.
It's strange, though, that in this playhouse, mysteriously the carpets only get cleaned if I make them that way, and the children have snotty noses more often than not, and the battery in the car dies and someone has to be responsible to fix it, and dinner doesn't just magically appear on the table, and celluloids on the sprinkler system fail causing my lovelies to droop (I really have no idea what a celluloid is, that's just what A told me is the problem with the lawn dying, hmm, no water, strange how things turn brown), and the numbers on the microwave clock are getting smaller and smaller from the vantage point of the couch, and important decisions such as the meatiness of my ham sandwiches must be decided before I leave Safeway!
How? How did it happen ladies and gentleman? How did adulthood sneak up and become my responsibility?

Sewing Machines and Facebook

2009-01-12T12:39:00.003-07:00

I am a recent joiner of the Facebook world and I'm not quite sure what all the fuss is about. Sure I've found a few friends that I haven't seen in a long time.
Okay, but-------------------
Then what....
To me it's a bit like the fancy-shmancy sewing machine that my mother-in-law wants. You would probably need to be interested in doing more than a zigzag stitch in order to merit buying a machine that is $2000. Thus it is with Facebook, I have no idea what it means to be 'tagged in an album', or 'poked' or to 'become a fan of'. The only thing I've found useful on that sight is the messaging system but once I've come in contact with a friend, then I can just go back to zigzag stitching with my simple email. And honestly, I'm not sure that everyone wants to know exactly what I'm doing at random points during the day.
To me it just is a throw back to the less than healthful emotionally supportive environment of High School: who can have the most friends sign their year book,
Or their wall.

Amazing

2008-12-29T14:31:00.002-07:00

Aren't They?